What if Xanxus was
by THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS
Summary: What occupation best fits Xanxus? From the milkman, zoo-keeper, and to a security guard, click here to find out! I will reconsider any suggestions of occupations. On a long HIATUS.
1. a Furniture Salesman

Ahaha! I'm so bad...instead of studying for an English exam tomorrow...I'm writing fanfiction=D Ah well! I should be fine! I have studiedXD

Well, here we go! Please enjoy and review!

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><p><strong>...a Furniture Salesman...<strong>

Xanxus looked wearily at all the chairs and tables in front of him. He _was_ supposed to be selling them, but he just couldn't be bothered. No one was going to buy them anyway. Not even one single customer came for the past few days. Why the hell would someone turn up now of all times? Well of course the answer to that was simple. _Anyone_ who came in would find it hard choosing a piece of furniture with Xanxus glaring at them 24/7. Xanxus, who was supposed to be the "nice guy" and helping customers choose their ideal was sitting on one of the chairs himself and not giving a shit about anyone entering those doors. _Who cares if they're customers? They're all pathetic scums anyways...entering this store in the first place._

Xanxus yawned and stood up to examine the furniture. With the usual look of disapproval. Chairs were scattered messily across the room. He went up to one chair that looked grand enough for him to sit in and sat down.

"Tch, what the hell is this? An arse warmer?" Xanxus shouted angrily and stood up, pulling his guns from his side pocket. Sure enough there was a warmer on the seat, hence the name "Backside Warmer for the **elderly**".

"What kind of half-assed name for a chair is this?" With that, he aimed his gun recklessly at the chair and fired both of his guns...and narrowly missing the "Arse Warmer". Now, whoever entered the store at that time was in for some extremely bad luck. Bad timing. The atmosphere changed in response to Xanxus's anger due to missing his target.

"U-uh...m-may I please take a look a-at some chairs, s-sir?"

"Get. Fucking. Lost. Trash," glowered Xanxus dangerously, causing the customer to flee in sheer terror. One **valuable** customer lost. Quite a loss there...it _was _his only hope after all. He hadn't made any profit since he opened the store. With the interference gone, Xanxus continued on firing at the "Arse Wamer".

"Don't you dare mess with me, trashy chair! Who's the elderly? Huh?" bellowed Xanxus, who had just finished firing at the "Arse Warmer". It was reduced to nothing but...a few ashes.

Since this just wasn't enough for him, he decided to shoot down all the remaining furniture. "I'll show you who's boss!"

Throughout his time spent firing, Xanxus muttered words along the lines of:

"I'm the boss here!"

"I'm younger than you think I am, dumbasses!"

"My arse is not worthy of your trash chairs!"

You guessed it. Instead of making a profit...Xanxus made a loss. An awfully bad one to add in.

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><p><strong>NAME:<strong> Xanxus

**OCCUPATION:** Furniture Salesman

**STATUS**: FIRED.

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><p>Ahahaha~<p>

Any suggestions for other occupations? I will reconsider=D

-THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS


	2. a Milkman

Thank you for the reviews!=D Very much appreciated! Thank you also to the suggestions! Ahaha=D

GAAA HAHA! TEST WEEK NEARLY OVER! MUST TRY TO UPDATE AS FAST AS I CAN=D=D

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><p><strong>...a Milkman...<strong>

Xanxus was very troubled. From the previous furniture salesman...and to now, a freaking **MILKMAN.** Why _this_ shitty job of all jobs available? Not just that, the Ninth had confiscated both of his guns due to what happened the day before.

"_Now Xanxus, if you want to make a profit and earn some money...I will have to confiscate your X-guns. No one is going to approach you and buy anything if you keep shooting"_

"Old man..." muttered Xanxus irritably, picking at his milkman "uniform", which consisted of a shirt that was nicely decorated by a mooing cow at the back and the logo which read: "WE LOVE MILK! MOO MOO!". Along with the shirt, he wore a cap with a picture of a milk bottle. No wonder Xanxus was angry...

Xanxus had a box of milk needed to be delivered to a certain neighbourhood. What made him even angrier was that he had to travel by foot. Not car, but foot! _How dare that old man do this me...when I see him next...when I see him next..._ Xanxus placed a bottle of milk near the mailbox of a house half-heartedly with more force than needed and then continued on to the next.

"This is so embarrassing...just what the shit is a Varia boss doing giving out MILK BOTTLES?" roared Xanxus, crushing a bottle of milk in his hands, "Give me a freaking break!" As soon as he crushed the bottle, a little girl stepped in front of him. She was wearing a floral dress and her blonde hair was tied in two pigtails.

"Mister, what are you doing to Moo-moo?"

"Get out of my way" glowered Xanxus, walking around her. However, the girl stepped in front of him once again, tears forming.

"Waaahh! I want milk! I want milk! You destroyed Moo-moo! MILK!" cried the girl loudly, attracting attention. Soon, people woke up and peered through open doors to see the commotion.

_Why is this happening to me...trashes...what the hell does this girl want? FREAKING HELL...stop crying, you little shit!_ He considered the options he could take to get rid of the girl and chose to ignore her and keep walking. Xanxus was not going to stop for a little girl. A _crying_ little girl. He walked around her and continued to place a milk bottle near the mailbox of each household reluctantly. Basically, he was smashing the bottles as he placed them down, but not with enough force to break them. It was the only satisfaction Xanxus could gain from his job. If you can't break them...half-smash them.

However, with each milk bottle he placed the more force he used. Soon enough, milk bottles were broken and smashed as soon as he placed them down. Of course he didn't care.

"Tch...pathetic bottles that break so easily...I swear the ones I throw at Squalo are way more harder than this trash!" muttered Xanxus, glaring at the few remaining unbroken milk bottles. Suddenly, the cries of the same little girl could be heard behind him.

"MISTER! YOU'RE BREAKING EVERYTHING! ALL THE MILK! MOO MOO! MOO MOO!"

"I don't care, little girl" said Xanxus, walking away. Once again, everyone was coming out to see the commotion.

"Oh dear, what a poor little girl"

"Did he make her cry?"

"He must have...he's so mean!"

"Hey, he's the milkman!"

With all the whispering and the cries of the little girl, Xanxus was losing his temper...fast. He wanted so badly to just throw all the milk at their heads. _Hah, let's see if your head are as hard as Squalo's, scum._ No...he couldn't do it. Then the ninth would confiscate his guns forever. _Tch...trash-holes..._

"MISTER! THE MOO MOO MILK! MO-"

"Here's your shitty milk, little girl" hissed Xanxus and handed her the whole box of remaining milk bottles. And with that, he quickly walked away. His job was done and he couldn't handle another cry of the girl.

Xanxus _only_ delivered 5 milk bottles. 15 were smashed. 2 were crushed. 8 were given to the little girl. 5 out of 30 milk bottles...you guessed it. He is definitely going to be...

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><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION:** Milkman

**STATUS:** FIRED.

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><p>Reviews greatly appreciated!=D<p>

GAAA HAHA!

-THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS


	3. a BabySitter

Here we are! A suggestion from Toxic-Hibari =D

Thank you for the suggestions! I will definitely reconsider writing them!=D

Since the toddler speaks "baby language"...the translation is in brackets.

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><p><strong>...a Baby-sitter...<strong>

Xanxus yawned and slouched further down on his chair. Today, like any other day, he was annoyed and irritated. Who wouldn't be...? He was fired from two jobs in a row. _Damn that shitty old man...when this is over, I'll teach him a freaking lesson...Damn you._ However, this was the least of the Varia Boss's worries right now. The main worry was right in front of him.

"Yay! Crans! (Crayons)! Mummy will buy me crans! MAA MAA"

**THAT** was his main problem.

Xanxus watched wearily at the male toddler brandishing his old set of crayons and comparing them to his drawing of the new set his mother was going to buy him today. His hazel eyes shined enthusiastically as he reached out to his building blocks. Xanxus reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a bottle of Vodka, after hearing another high-pitched squeal from the toddler. _If I get drunk on this...it's all your damn fault, baby._ _Shut the hell up already._

"SUU-LEEP...Guh neigh (Good night)"

"Tch...that was quick" muttered Xanxus, glancing at the toddler wrapped in bundles of sheets and quilts, "Where the hell did he get those...?"

And with that, things began to quieten down. Xanxus was already half-way through his Vodka when he noticed that the rug where the baby was sleeping on was getting damp. _What the shit..._ He stood up from his chair and walked slowly over to the toddler. Xanxus hoped that it wasn't what he thought it was. He bent down and stared at it, when he noticed that there was a horrible stench coming from the baby.

"Shit...no way..." growled Xanxus, standing up and rubbing his temples. That's right. The toddler...**peed and did a shit.** He walked over to his chair, picked up the half-empty Vodka bottle and gulped it all down in one go. No, he couldn't handle this..._anything_ but this! He wasn't cut out for this...unlike Lussuria.

"How on earth do I change a shitty nappy?" mumbled Xanxus angrily, picking the toddler up and placing him on the toilet floor. _I don't even know where the nappies are kept...trashes..._ Instead of drinking Vodka and slouching in his chair, the Varia Boss was searching for nappies. Xanxus growled in frustration realizing that there was only three options he could reconsider, since he couldn't find the nappies and the little boy might do another who-know-whats.

a) Call the toddler's parents -highly unlikely _Why should I talk to scums who don't even tell me where those freaking nappies are? Damn then..._

b) Go to the shitty store and buy some

The last option really got on his nerves, but nonetheless it _was_ an option...

c) Call Lussuria for advice. _Ha! This is absurd...calling for Lussuria...for help. No...for changing some shitass nappies! _

Xanxus thought carefully. Which was the best? Calling the parents was already out...should he go to the store? If he didn't, it would be Lussuria. _Damn...__Tch...fine. The only way to settle it..._

"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe"

Lussuria.

"..."

With that, Xanxus reluctantly pulled out his mobile and stared at Lussuria's number for a while before he called him, hoping he wouldn't pick up. Not long after, he could hear _someone_ pick up. _Shit...how do I explain..._

"Why, Boss! What a surpise, mou~" squealed Lussuria, clearly surprised from the tone of his voice.

"..." Xanxus didn't know how to explain...he hoped Lussuria could realise his situation judging from the job he was away on today as a baby-sitter. The Varia already knew Xanxus was away on jobs to repay his 'debt' to the Ninth, to take back all the times Xanxus called him'"old man' or 'shitty bastard' and other vile words. Of course throughout his years, Xanxus had always called him an 'old man'...wasn't he? He was old enough to be an old man...Xanxus knew the Ninth just wanted a lame excuse to make him work. _Bastard._

"Boss?"

"I-I..." grunted Xanxus, finding it difficult to find the right words to describe his situation.

"Hey, boss! Aren't you working as a baby-sitter today, mou?~"

"...yes." replied Xanxus dryly, hoping he would get to the point quickly and realise his desperate situation before _he_ had to tell him. Besides that, Xanxus was hoping the boy wouldn't cause any other troubles...

"So, what's wrong boss? Want Mama to teach you how change nappies?" squealed Lussuria excitedly.

"...there are no nappies because the f**king parents did not tell me" hissed Xanxus, annoyed at hearing Lussuria say "Mama" like he was a child. _This is exactly why I hate calling this guy...dammit..._

"Hmmm...now _that's _ a problem...but do not worry!" reassured Lussuria, "Just make a nappy out of tissues or any other materials that seem useful, mou!~"

"...and what the f**k are those?" roared Xanxus, clearly confused. Anything? **_Anything?_**

"Well, anything you can find that can wrap a baby's bottom, boss! And I got to go now! I have to make lunch for Bel and Mammon~"

"..."

"Bye boss, mou!~"

-Beep Beep Beep

"Vague bastard..." murmured Xanxus angrily, crushing the nearest glass cup. He walked over to a cupboard and picked up whatever material that suited to be a substitute nappy. He then strode over to the sleeping toddler and replaced his nappy with some tissues. _Foul._ While throwing the nappy in the bin, he came across some newspaper. _Not bad..._ Adding to the tissues he wrapped around the baby's bottom, he added some newspapers. Xanxus smirked, thinking that he did a pretty good job changing nappies for the first time. And hopefully the _last_ time he will ever do so.

"Needs more layers..." _Anything..."that can wrap a baby's bottom"_

Xanxus walked around the house and grabbed anything that looked suitable for a nappy. Objects included: an expensive hankerchief, clothes, blankets, ties, make-up remover pads and leaves. Leaves?

He took a step back to examine his masterpiece of a baby's nappy, "Finally...to hell with it..."

**_Ding Dong_**

"...about time, scums..." glowered Xanxus as he picked up his second bottle of Vodka that was on the floor and headed towards the door. He gave a death glare to the parents who just walked in and received a worried look and a mumbled 'Thank you, sir' in return. Xanxus, who was tired from a day of baby-sitting some brat decided to drink his Vodka in celebration when he noticed that something was not quite right.

_Why...is it lighter?_

_Why...is it ...opened...?_

Then the truth hit him.

_No wonder the brat fell asleep right on cue..._

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><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Baby-Sitter

**STATUS: **FIRED.

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><p><span>Deleted Part of Sentence (not part of story):<span>

He gave a death glare to the parents who just walked in and received a worried look and a mumbled 'Thank you, sir' in return, knowing that they would take it back when they saw their child wrapped up in...**CRAP.**

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><p>Hmmm...I guess it's more longer than the others=D<p>

Ahaha! Yayayayayy! Chap. finished! XD

Sleepy...

-THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS


	4. a Psychologist

Thank you very, very much for the reviews! I was awfully excited and overjoyed when I saw that I had reviews for my third chapter. It really made my day =D I am extremely grateful!

Here's a suggestion from Toxic Hibari and Colin !

Toxic Hibari : Psycho therapist and psychologist...? Same yes..? Close enough perhaps?

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><p>...a<strong> Psychologist...<strong>

"Summer's Health Clinic". A clinic for the mentally ill and or psychologically affected. In that clinic sat a man in a smart white professor lab coat with fake glasses, much to his dislike. The glasses of course, made him look wise and professional, which were the qualities a psychologist should have. _Should have. _Why was Xanxus forced to wear glasses? The answer was simple: because he didn't have qualities of wise and professional. Well, he was a mafia boss after all...not some psychologist like he was now.

"Fixing people's minds...ha...what a joke" muttered Xanxus, checking his appointment list. The next patient was due to arrive in around 5 minutes. _Time to kill time..._ Xanxus walked over to the small portable fridge and took out a bottle of Tequila, then over to the cupboard to take out an expensive glass cup. He strode over to the psychologist's armchair, sat down and poured himself some tequila. Suddenly, the buzzer sounded. Xanxus's patient was here. _Damn...stuff them..._

"E-excuse...m-me..." spoke a timid voice of a little boy opening the door, "A-are you..**.P-professor...X-xanxus**?"

Xanxus eyed the kid, then beckoned him to sit down in front of him. The boy had a horrible sense of fashion, wearing old and overly-big clothing. The expression on his face said it all. The boy wore a sad and lonely expression. Xanxus sighed and looked at the boy's profile:

**Name:** Bent Martilli

**Age:** 8 years old

"S-sir..."

"What?" replied Xanxus gruffly, glaring at the little boy who shrank back in fear. _Why...the hell am I stuck here trying to fix people's minds? I don't have time for this, dammit!_

"I-I...I lost...my teddy-bear!" cried Bent, tears forming, "W-what do I do?"

"..." _Seriously...? This guy came to me because he lost his pathetic teddy-bear? _

"Just go and get another one," said Xanxus dryly, growing tired of the boy's cries. Bent stared at him with horror and shook his head, then started to cry again.

"I-it...it was special!"

"So? Who cares? You must think everything's special...look trash, get over it," glowered Xanxus, not giving a shit for the poor boy who was sitting there, eyes wide with shock from the reply. Xanxus poured some more Tequila into his glass cup and waited for Bent's answer. No reply. The boy just sat there deep in concentration. Suddenly an idea formed in Xanxus's head. He had witnessed psychologists do this countless of times..._Might as well give it a go to this scum..._

"Close your damn eyes, kid" hissed Xanxus, glaring at him, "And in that twisted mind of yours...imagine what I tell you to" He heard a soft reply from the boy and continued on. _Now...to think of a scenario..._

"You're walking through a shitty forest with your _'special' _teddy bear" spoke Xanxus, sitting back in his grand armchair, "There are zombies and gigantic spiders...and...a...a... shitty shark..." He smirked, trying to imagine Squalo dressed up as a zombie and a spider. _There wasn't anything else I could think of..._He waited for a reaction from Bent and got a soft whimper. _Heh._

"Then, you come across a...across...," Xanxus rubbed his temples and tried to think of an idea, "...a brain-eating, teddy-bear ripping...teddy bear." He smiled triumphantly and saw that the boy's face was scrunched up, ready to cry. "The brain-eating, teddy-bear ripping teddy bear is so scary...so damn scary that you nearly faint from shock"

"He asks you: What do you value more, trash? Your half-assed life or your pathetic teddy-bear?"

Bent had tears streaming down his face, but when he heard Xanxus's last statement, he gave a small, secretive smile. However, he wasn't totally convinced. Xanxus saw that, and racked his brains. _Tch...stupid...get convinced already..._

"Look, if you throw away your half-assed life to some brain-eating, teddy-bear ripping teddy bear...then your...your...mother...is going to...miss you, brat. And I'm not responsible for that." hissed Xanxus, reaching for his Tequila glass and thinking about what he just said. _Tch...cannot believe I said that...scum._ Right after he said that, Bent opened his eyes and started bawling. Literally.

"MUUMMYYY! WWWAAAHH! MY MUMMYYY!" cried Bent loudly, forgetting about his teddy bear problem, "I WANT MY MUMMY TO GET ME ANOTHER TEDDY-BEAR! WAAAHH!"

Bent's mother, hearing high-pitched cries from her son, did what a mother would do. She stormed in, stared incredulously at Xanxus, picked up his son and started soothing him, stared at Xanxus some more and walked out saying something along the lines of 'Did I go to the right psychologist..?'. Xanxus knew that he was going to lose this shitty job, since the mother must have thought he was some psycho that needed a psychologist himself. A look of disbelief from the mother and his job was down the drain. Not that he cared..._Who gives a shit?_

He yawned and drank some more Tequila, a smile playing on his lips. At that split moment when the little boy walked out, he saw a weak smile and heard a soft whisper:

"_Thank you, Sir"_

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><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Psychologist

**STATUS: **FIRED.

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><p><strong>I AM TERRIBLY SORRY! I FORGOT HIS STATUS...*FACE PALM ON THE TABLE*<strong> SO SORRY...REALLY...This is re-uploaded by the way! So Sorry...Apologies...I will do a GOOD CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR IT! Thank you, saruko and Mockingjay Rose for telling me! By the way, Xanxus was **FIRED** because of the mother...her looks of disapproval. Then she probably reported his outrageous behaviour to the reception and they fired him right away.

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><p>Not as long as the previous chapter...ahaha~<p>

The other chapter was an exception then=D

Hope you liked it! Ehehehehe...In my opinion, the last part was sweet^^

-THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS


	5. a Policeman

WAZZUP! Ahaha, thank you all so terribly much for leaving a review! Reviews have definitely given me inspiration=D Thank you once again!

Thank you Mockingjay Rose for Beta-reading this story! Awfully appreciated=D Well then, this is a suggestion from A Natsume Yuujinchou lover! I grant your request for putting the Varia in this chapter as well! Hopefully, this chapter will make up for the mistake I did in the last chapter, ahaha~

**I'm including Fran in this, by the way! And Mammon is not dead=D**

**WARNING: CONTAINS QUITE SOME SWEARING. (It _is_ the Varia after all...)**

SEE YOU AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!

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><p><strong>...a Police-man...<strong>

_Now Xanxus, since you have been fired from all your previous jobs..._**I **_will be choosing your job **this** time. I know you will enjoy this job and you will try not to get fired to the best of your abilities. Well then, your job today...is a-_

**BAM.**

Birds could be seen flying out of harm's way. Xanxus was trying to get rid of the Ninth's formal speech regarding his next job out of his head. How? By trying out his X-guns. I guess you could say that he was _delighted_ to get them back ever since the Ninth confiscated them. By expressing his _delightfulness_, Xanxus was shooting his guns at every poor living being- flowers, trees and now birds. He smirked as he replayed what job he was getting from the Ninth.

_Well then, your job today...is to be a Police man._

"Heh, authority over trashes..." spoke Xanxus, thinking what he should make out of today's job. In his perspective, being a police officer meant he could arrest anyone he liked. _Anyone..._ If the whole police force was under Xanxus's command, who knew what would happen...probably everyone would end up getting arrested. Xanxus had a particular goal in mind today...and that goal was to:

**_Arrest as much people as he could._**

"This _was_ a once in a life-time opportunity after all..."

** -XXXX-**

"VOOII! BEL! GET OVER HERE! HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH MY SHAMPOO, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" yelled Squalo, chasing after Bel who was in the middle of mixing Squalo's shampoo with a deodorant.

"Ushishishi~ Captain Squalo, your hair will smell nicer now, shishishi~" grinned Bel, while trying to get away from Squalo and his waving sword. Bel slid down the banister of the stairs, while Squalo whose instincts took over, jumped down the stairs, swung off the chandelier and landed perfectly...before Bel.

"VOOII!" shouted Squalo loudly at Bel who just landed, "I'm going to slaughter you!"

"Bel-sempai, you can never win against Captain Squalo. The shark is going to eat the squirrel anyways," stated Fran in a bored monotone.

"It's not a fucking squirrel!" hissed Bel, throwing his knives at Fran's frog hat.

"Bel-sempai, you hit the wrong target. Aren't you fighting Captain Squalo?" questioned Fran, pulling out the knives.

"Mou~ Now now children, quieten down! Breakfast is almost ready!" exclaimed Lussuria cheerfully, who was preparing breakfast for the lot. Whilst humming to himself, he told Levi to turn on the radio.

"Why do I have to do it..." grunted a very annoyed Levi, who was awfully depressed since his boss was away for so long. How loyal. Mammon was in a corner counting his money, what else would he be doing besides that? Constantly telling everyone how much money was in their credit cards drove them crazy.

The Vongola Famiglia's Elite Independent Assassination Squad. _That was _what happened nearly every morning.

"Breakfast is ready, mou!~" cried Lussuria, happily bringing over a large plate of pancakes to their expensive dining table. A few familiar catch-phrases and complains from Levi were heard before they sat down to their breakfast...without their boss.

"Mu~ It Looks like no-one's going to be shooting guns toda-"

**BAM.**

The Varia looked at the hole that went through their expensive cream-coloured wall. Everyone swore they could see a vein popping from Mammon's forehead.

**BAM. BAM. BAM.**

"Trashes..."glowered Xanxus dangerously, "You are under arrest, scums!"

"B-boss!" spluttered Squalo, whose eyes widened in surprise. His sword was pointed at his boss, "VOII! W-what the hell are _you_ doing here?"

"BOSS! BOSS!" shrieked Levi, his face aglow with joy that his boss was back, "You came back!"

'Oh. What good news. Everyone loves you, boss. Welcome back." waved Fran, who then turned back to his breakfast which he was determined to eat in peace, since everyone was distracted from their boss's unexpected return.

"Shut the hell up, trashes...I'm not here to play" growled Xanxus, taking out his beloved X-guns while glaring at them the same time.

"Ushishishi~ Did you buy a present for the prince while you were on errands, boss?" laughed Bel sheepishly, placing both hands in his pockets. Xanxus glared at the group and wasted no time. He pointed his guns at Squalo, who flinched at his sudden movement.

"You, shitty shark," roared Xanxus with his hand on the trigger, "You are under arrest! You have the right to remain silent! Everything you say or do can be used against you."

"V-VOII! WHAT? WHAT THE F**K DO YOU WANT, DAMMIT?" yelled Squalo furiously, with his sword pointed at Xanxus. A glaring competition was clearly on between the two. Between the boss and his second-in-command.

"Here are the three reasons why you _need _to be arrested, shark trash:

You say **_'VOI'_**too much. Just shut the hell up and get on with your don't buy the right alcohol. Can't you buy something as simple as that?I know you're secretly a female...you brush your damn hair with a fucking comb every bloody morning. Cut it, you damn shark."

Squalo turned a light shade of red and nods of agreement could be seen. "VOOII! DON'T NOD YOUR F**KING HEADS! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT HUH? YOU DAMN BOSS! I VOWED TO NEVER CUT MY HAIR UNTIL YOU BECAME THE FUCKING TENTH! AND ALCOHOL? GET YOUR-"

**BAM.**

"Shut the fuck up. You're arrested." snarled Xanxus. That was enough to silence Squalo whose mouth was open in protest. Xanxus walked over to him, and with much difficulty, hand-cuffed Squalo, "Serves you right...scum" This earned him a few 'Voi's' and vile words. Xanxus then turned to Lussuria.

"_You_, are arrested for that freaking **_mother-complex_** of yours _and_ for setting up your own private hair-dresser. Now, all the scums from the lower-class are coming to you and getting shitty mow hawks!"

"But, boss! They're stylish mou!~ We also need fashion in the Varia mansion you-"

"Arrested." hissed Xanxus, walked over to Lussuria and hand-cuffing him easily. _The boss doesn't appreciate fashion, mou?~ _He then swivelled around to a cringing Levi, who seemed to be giving off signals of: 'Don't hurt me boss! I'm innocent! Please have mercy on me boss!' Of course Xanxus didn't take any notice of this and hand-cuffed Levi quite easily, since he didn't make any complaints.

"And _you_, are just arrested." Levi's heart broke inside. _BOSS!_ With haste, Xanxus went over to Bel, Mammon and Fran. Bel was grinning from ear to ear, clearly enjoying the moment, Mammon was counting the costs of the holes in the walls and Fran was gobbling all the pancakes.

"Ushishishi~ Why am _I, the prince, _arrested, boss?"

"You say that damn "Ushishi" too much, your fucking knives go into my walls and you eat all the food in the fridge" yelled Xanxus angrily, walking towards him with hand-cuffs. He could see Bel's signature grin and his mouth open with protest.

"Ushishishi~ I _am _a growing boy, boss," beamed the 16 year old, hands out so that his boss could hand-cuff him, going along with his everyday tantrums, "After all...I am a **_prince_**" The Varia boss spun around to face Mammon and Fran.

"_You_ are arrested for always counting your damn money and for opening several credit card accounts," continued Xanxus, "And _you_, Fran, are an annoying little scum who talks like a little kid with no life...cut the bored monotone, trash" And with that, he hand-cuffed the arcobaleno who had to oblige otherwise his boss would kill him, as well as an innocent-looking Fran who was awfully full from eating _all_ the pancakes.

Xanxus stepped back and admired his work. _Heh...job complete...you trashes can just go die in a trash-hole._ Without muttering another word, he walked out of the mansion thinking who to arrest next...but it didn't take long before he made up his mind.

"VOII! YOU DAMN BOSS! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DO-"

"Don't forget the paper-work, trash" smirked Xanxus, closing the door with a loud **_bang_**_. _

"Tch...go to hell..."snarled Squalo, gritting his teeth.

** -XXXX-**

"Hii! What is this, X-Xanxus?" shrieked Tsuna, staring bewilderedly at the Varia boss. _W-why is he here? H-help me, someone!_

"_You_ stupid trash..."snarled Xanxus, pointing his gun at the cowering figure below him, "Are arrested."

"Hiii! W-what?"

And due to Tsuna's confusion, Xanxus wasted no time in hand-cuffing Tsuna. "I'll make sure to give you a good punishment...you fucking low-life." Tsuna fainted from shock.

**-XXXX-**

"Ninth...the phone," spoke a young man politely, handing the phone over, earning a smile and a nod from the old man. Timeto took the phone and hesitated. _Why a call at this time during the day?_

"Hello?" asked Timeto, pressing the phone to his ear and breathed a sigh of relief when he realised it was only one of his men. However, the relief didn't last.

"_H-HE DID WHAT?"_

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Police man

**STATUS: **FIRED.

* * *

><p>YAYY! Hehehe=D<p>

Oh, yes...I have heard that the Law is going to shut down some social sites, such as, Facebook, Youtube and even **_Fanfiction_!**

Please help so that **_Fanfiction_** will still exist! There's a petition going on, so please do your part to sign it! The link is on Septimadesu 's profile. I really hope this will not happen...but JUST IN CASE IT DOES!

Thank you!

Reviews are very much appreciated!=D

-THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS


	6. a Host in a Host Club

BLURP! BLURP! Ok, this is a suggestion from Crownless King and Cloudysmile ! Hope you guys will enjoy thisXD Thank you for all the suggestions=D

This chapter was a tad hard to write, but I soon got an awesome idea...*grins* Thank you to Mockingjay Rose for Beta-Reading!

**WARNING: VARIA INCLUDED. WHICH MEANS SOME LOVELY SWEARING.**

* * *

><p><strong>...a Host in a Host Club...<strong>

Xanxus sat slouched on his grand throne while waiting for the others to finish getting ready. He wore a black tuxedo and a half-done tie, with his X-guns and a bottle of Vodka stashed somewhere in his pockets. Squalo walked in first sporting the same outfit as his boss- a black tuxedo, however with a done up tie. His long silvery hair flowed gracefully down his back as he strode across the room to grab a small bottle of brandy. Brandy was always helpful during events or special occasions when you had to drug the other person to get them to _'Shut the hell up'._

Bel and Fran walked in with Mammon floating close behind. Bel's signature laugh and Fran's boring monotone was heard the moment the duo walked in. Bel was adjusting his tiara when Levi and Lussuria strolled in the room.

"Ah...everyone looks so lovely, Mou~" squealed Lussuria, who clapped his hands with joy.

"When are we leaving, boss?" asked Levi, who walked over to the small fridge across the room to seize a few bottles of Tequila, just in case his boss ran out and threw a tantrum. Xanxus glared at Levi before he stood up and without warning, he walked out of the room.

**-XXXX-**

"Ushishishi~ We've arrived?" questioned the prince amused by his surroundings, "Why is everyone staring at us? Why are some even fainting?"

"Who knows, maybe your face is so ugly that-" But before he could finish, Fran discovered knives sticking out from his frog hat.

"Did you say something, shishishi?~" twitched Bel, who held another handful of knives at the ready. Bel grinned and pocketed his knives when he saw Fran shaking his head frantically. "Good froggy"

"Voi, boss..." murmured Squalo, glancing at Xanxus nervously, "What are we here for?" Xanxus shrugged apathetically, but he sensed the uneasiness in his second-in-command's voice. He himself was getting anxious as well. _Why the hell is everyone staring at us? _ But there was one point in particular that worried him.

_Why was a majority of the people here** WOMEN?**_

Not that it _was _a problem...but why? _Why are there so few men?_ Xanxus snapped back to reality when he saw the Ninth walking towards them cheerfully._ Tch...bastard...what does the old man have in store..._

"Xanxus! Varia! How nice of you to come today!" greeted Timoteo, beaming at the group. Squalo wasted no time and got straight to the point.

"VOI! WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR, DAMMIT?" With his loud ear-piercing voice and his sword pointed at the Ninth, Squalo gained quite some attention. Timoteo laughed and exchanged a few mischievous looks with his men.

"Well...what _your_ job is today Xanxus... as well as the Varia, since we're including them in _this_ job… I believe your men will be quite good at this," Timoteo paused and grinned, "Your jobs today are to be...**_hosts!_**"

Xanxus stared at his father in disbelief, his eyes widening when he knew what they were all in for. Bel laughed, Fran just kept staring, Mammon didn't care since he was too 'young' for this and Levi didn't know whether to feel happy or shocked for his boss. Lussuria squealed in delight and Squalo gagged and 'VOI-ed'. Good thing he brought that brandy along.

"VOOOII! I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS JUST SOME F**KING PARTY!"

"Well well...even an old man like me make mistakes, Squalo" The Ninth was clearly satisfied at their priceless reactions. "All you have to do now is to **_please all the wonderful ladies here_**_"_

"The fuck I will..." muttered Squalo angrily, brushing his hair away from his face, feeling immensely annoyed at the fact that he had to be surrounded by _squealing_, _possessive_ and _obsessive_ fangirls. Bel, on the other hand, didn't mind at all.

"Ushishishi~ This will be interesting for the prince..."

"F**KING HELL..." growled Xanxus furiously, who couldn't believe that they were invited to some trashy _host_ party. He glowered dangerously at the Ninth before entering a large, grand room fitted with extremely expensive furniture. _No way in hell..._

**-Squalo-**

Squalo carefully inspected the small bottle of brandy he was holding before sitting down on a grand-looking armchair. "Should last..." he muttered as a girl in her late teens walked up nervously and sat down opposite him. Squalo rested his head on the side of his hand and eyed the girl disinterestedly. _She's so damn nervous she can't talk...well, that's a good thing at least._ The girl looked up at Squalo and then back to her lap. _W-what c-can I say to S-Squalo-Sama...I-I..._

She hesitated before stuttering, "S-Squalo- S-sama, m-my n-name is-"

"Voi, cut out the 'Sama' woman, it makes me puke like a drunken shit," snapped Squalo, changing to a better position on his armchair. The girl blushed and nodded meekly before continuing.

"S-Squalo-s-san...w-well...I-I just want t-to s-say...that I..." stammered the girl while blushing furiously, "I-I-"She paused and her face glowed with an eerie look of determination while staring at the handsome young man opposite her, who was trying to brush away a strand of hair that was covering his eyes.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, SO CAN YOU MARRY ME? WILL YOU BUY ME A CAR? WILL YOU MARRY ME? WILL YOU BUY ME THE LATEST PERFUME? BUY ME A CAKE! PLEASE! I BEG YOU! I WILL BE A GOOD WIFE! I SWEAR I WILL! SO WILL YOU MA-"

"V-Voi...drink this first, woman," spoke Squalo wearily as he handed her a glass of 'apple juice'. The girl gave a loud cry of delight and accepted the drink enthusiastically with shaking hands. Neatby, Xanxus scoffed when he heard the girl propose to Squalo. The rest of the Varia looked on with great interest on what was going to happen next.

_I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT BELIEVE IT! OHMYGOSH! I MUST BE THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WO- _

Squalo eyed her curiously as the glass fell from her shaking hands and shattered as it fell to the floor. The girl fainted and fell to the floor, who had to be taken out by the Ninth's men. Squalo sighed and rubbed his temples. _I'll kill the Ninth one day...how dare he put me together with a crazy bitch, DAMMIT!_

**-XXXX-**

"Mou!~ Squ-chan! You broke her heart!" exclaimed Lussuria, walking over to the door, "I'm going to get the next girl for Bel!" He opened the door and was about to walk out when he turned around and questioned mischievously, "By the way, Squ-chan...how much brandy did you use, mou?~"

Squalo glared at Lussuria and snarled:

_"All of it"_

**-Bel-**

A young quiet-looking girl walked in and sat down opposite Bel. Bel grinned, "Ushishishi~ _You_ look nice today" The girl nodded and smiled slightly.

"Ah, Bel-sempai...she doesn't like you," whispered Fran, loud enough for the girl to hear. The girl stared at Bel with a horrified look and shook her head desperately.

Bel laughed and stabbed Fran's hat with a handful of knives, "Stupid froggy" Then he turned to the girl who was sobbing softly on a handkerchief. "Ushishishi~ I _do_ like you," soothed Bel as he got up from his chair and walked over to the whimpering girl. Fran looked on unconcerned and knew what his sempai was going to do, after all being a ladies' man was not easy.

Bel smiled sheepishly at the blushing girl and leant closer to whisper softly in her ear, "_You're_ the _only_ one for the prince, _princess..._" The girl widened her eyes in shock and took one last look at the prince before she fainted.

Fran shook his head and beckoned for the Ninth's men to take her away. Then he looked at Bel and sighed.

_Liar._

**-XXXX-**

"Again...how many girls are fainting, mou?~"groaned Lussuria as he signalled to Levi to get the next girl in the room. Levi strolled to the door nervously and gulped as he opened the door.

_It's the boss's turn..._

**-Xanxus-**

Xanxus yawned as the girl sat down opposite him with a big smile on her face. She looked excited. _Very_ excited. And that overload of excitement was awfully freaky. Xanxus glared at her before reaching over for a glass of Tequila. The girl wasted no time to gain his attention.

"My name is Pippi! And I am 18 years old! I know I'm a bit young, but I'm good at lots of things! Things such as-"

"I get it, trash..." snapped Xanxus, closing his eyes and thinking of ways to strangle the old man, "I don't give a shit at what you're good at."

"R-right...w-well..." stammered Pippi who was quite taken aback, "Where do you live?" Xanxus didn't reply and Pippi took this as an excuse to continue babbling.

"Well, you know _I _already know where you live! Haha! Being the fangirl I am...of course I know _everything_!" giggled the girl, "I know **_everything_** that there is to know about _you_, Xanxus-sama." Xanxus opened his eyes and stared at the girl like 'What the fuck?'

"Xanxus-sama, I know how old you are!"

"I know your birthday..."continued the girl, clearly proud of herself, "And...the exact minute, no, _second_ you were born into this world!"

"I know what your favourite foods are!"

"I know where you go every holiday!"

"I know-"

**BAM.**

Xanxus couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't deal with another minute of her presence and to solve this, he opened fire at the finely painted wall. And with that, he signalled for the men to come over and take the insane girl away.

"H-hey! I'm not finished!" screeched the girl, frantically trying to get Xanxus's attention, _"I also know what type of girl you like!"_

Squalo smirked when he saw his boss motion to Levi to get him a bottle of Vodka. His attention then turned to the shrieking girl and he wondered what type of girl she had in mind.

"Xanxus-sama! It's me!"

The door closed with the aid of Xanxus's gun. Another hole. Mammon was already counting the expenses. Squalo forced back a laugh and his gaze fell on his boss, who crushed a full wine bottle.

Xanxus wanted so badly to kill that damn girl. No, he would kill the Ninth for making him do this.

_"Xanxus-sama! You like girls like me!"_

_"Hell no, bitch"_

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Host

**STATUS:** FIRED.

* * *

><p>Thanks so much for reading!<p>

Reviews will help a great deal=D

**So, who did you think was the best Host? ***Grins*

LAATTERR!

-THEULTIMATEGREENBOSS


	7. a Zookeeper

Why hello there :D [Smiley face inserted for flechette mango]

A suggestion from yerashi9921 ! Thank you readers for all your suggestions and reviews! Very grateful to all of you^^ Please don't forget to review this chapter as well!=D

yerashi9921 –Hope you enjoy this chapter! Let's hope that Xanxus's 'love' for animals can rival yours eh?

Well then, let's start shall we?

* * *

><p><strong>...a Zoo-keeper...<strong>

Xanxus sighed loudly as he put on his uniform for the day, which consisted of a pair of black trousers and a white shirt with the logo: "You love Animals, We love Animals, We _all_ love Animals!". _Tch...why do I have to do this shitty job?_ Why you wonder, Xanxus? That's because you have failed all the other jobs that the Ninth assigned for you. He walked reluctantly towards the Manager's office and opened the door, only to find the Manager sipping his tea gingerly, like an old man. The man beamed and gestured for Xanxus to be seated.

"Your name is Xanxus yes?"

"Yes," replied Xanxus gruffly who was picking at the open seam in his uniform.

"Nice to meet you, Xanxus. My name is Mr Xuan," spoke the Manager as he handed Xanxus a piece of paper, "Now, this is a list of all the things you have to have completed by today. Please look through them carefully and complete them to the best of your ability" He ended with a smile.

Xanxus groaned which earned him an another cheeky smile from Mr Xuan. Mr Xuan in return, earned a cold glare just before Xanxus left the room and slammed the door behind him. His day was just beginning.

-XXXX-

Xanxus stopped and stared at the animal he had to take care of first. A large animal with a trunk. You guessed it. An **elephant. **_Great...damn this._ He took a quick glance at his first instruction for the day:

_1. Cl__ean the elephant's feet._

"Don't you need to be freaking qualified to do this shit?" growled Xanxus, coming back from the store-room with the necessary equipment for the task. He opened the gate and let himself inside, and then strolled over to the elephant. The elephant stared suspiciously at the figure before it turned around and lifted a leg for Xanxus to scrub. Xanxus narrowed his eyes. _Just who the hell does it think it is huh? I am not your bloody slave, trash._

Xanxus stared at the foot and grimaced. _How dirty is this foot?_ Small bits of food, mud and minute rocks could be seen, not to mention the elephant's own poo. Nonetheless, he _had _ to do this. Xanxus grabbed a scrubber and placed it into some hot, soapy water, and then used the scrubber to clean the dirty foot. The elephant moved which made Xanxus nearly lose his balance. He glared furiously at the elephant and continued, this time scrubbing it even harder. The elephant cried out in distress and nearly kicked Xanxus in the face. He cursed softly and proceeded to the next foot.

-XXXX-

The air stank like shit. Literally. With the elephant out of his mind, Xanxus was onto his next instruction.

_2. __Feed the monkeys peanuts._

Xanxus slipped into the monkeys' feeding spot quietly, not wanting to be seen by too many visitors. He hastily threw the peanuts into the air and was about to exit when a child shrieked: "Ah! The monkeys mummy! The monkeys!" _Brat._ Now, Xanxus couldn't exit even if he wanted to. There were too many people crowding around to do that.

A huge group monkeys came out and fought over the peanuts. Xanxus was now a witness to the scratching, cat-fighting and monkey-bickering being held. Instead of actually eating the peanuts, the monkeys were throwing them in the air, with one landing hard on Xanxus's head. He rubbed the bump with a scowl and reached for his guns when he realised that his guns got confiscated by the Ninth. _That old man takes them away when I need them most, that bastard._ Yep, that's right. When you "need it most" to shoot some monkeys down. Ever thought about animal cruelty? Don't think so.

Suddenly, the monkeys all turned around stared at Xanxus hungrily. "What now, you cat-fighting trashes?" He then glanced down remembered that he was still holding the bucket that was filled to the brim with peanuts. Xanxus's eyes widened when he knew that in a matter of a few seconds he would become a monkey's best friend.

"Give me a freaking break!" he roared when he saw the monkeys charge towards him. To his surprise, his quick reflexes saved him. He threw the bucket full of peanuts with more than enough force, which scattered the 'delicious' treats everywhere and injured a few monkeys.

"Mama! I think that's a human monkey! Look! Over there!" cried a little boy pointing at Xanxus. His mother replied with a laugh and said that they didn't exist. _Damn kid. _

-XXXX-

From cleaning duck poo around the zoo and placing the disgusting little black balls of shit into a brown paper bag, trying to catch a rogue squirrel which nearly had Xanxus tripping over an acorn to handing out colourful balloons to 'screwed up' little kids with 'twisted minds', Xanxus had had enough. Xanxus let out an exasperated sigh and looked at the last command.

_20. Let the lions loose _

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. _Let the lions loose? **Loose?**_"Is this trashy old man out of his mind...?" he wondered while walking towards the lions' play area. The lions glared at him as he neared, which soon turned into a fierce glaring competition. _Even Bester's better than you guys, so piss off._ Xanxus grabbed the keys from his pockets and impatiently unlocked the gate. "So long, suckers."

He stole a last glance at his instructions sheet and stared at a _large_ oil spot. _What the shit...what is that doing there…?_

_20. Let the lions loose-**n their muscles by encouraging them to play with the equipment provided.**_

Xanxus turned around and stared at all the commotion going on, then turned back and shrugged his shoulders. _Oh well._

-XXXX-

"M-manager! There's trouble! Big trouble!" cried a desperate worker, "T-the lions! The lions!"

"What?" roared the Manager as he heard frantic screams and terrified shouts from the people, "W-what is the meaning of this?"

* * *

><p><strong>NAME:<strong> Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Zoo-keeper

**STATUS: **FIRED.

* * *

><p><strong>[Deleted Segment]<strong>

He walked reluctantly towards the Manager's office and opened the door, only to find the Manager sipping his tea gingerly, like an old man. _Everything _to him seemed like an old man...Why? Because he was aging. Like an **_old man._**

* * *

><p>Hope yah enjoyed that hmmm?<p>

Please review!=D=D

Thank you for all your weird and wonderful suggestions once again! GAAA KAKAKA!

Must sleep now... ZzZz

-TUGB


	8. a Hair Dresser

Yay! Updated!=D=D

A suggestion from: 'yerashi9921' and 'Mockingjay Rose' ! All thanks to 'Mockingjay Rose' for beta-eding this! XDXD

Please enjoy!

Blurp.

* * *

><p><strong>...a Hair dresser...<strong>

Xanxus was fed up after being told several times not to get mixed up with shampoo and conditioner. He ran his hair through his sleek, black hair and groaned. "Tch, basically the two are nearly the same anyway," he muttered, walking towards the next customer, "They smell the same, look the same and even _taste_ the same."

Hang on. Xanxus, you have _tasted _shampoo and conditioner before?

"What style, scum?" he asked gruffly, while picking up a pair of sharp scissors and a razor. The timid customer pointed to some weird-looking hair-style on a catalogue and said that he also wanted to wash his hair. _Stupid trash...making things more difficult._ He stared at the hair-style the man wanted. A...Mo-hawk? It sure looked like the one Lussuria had, but not as flashy. The hair-style didn't suit the man at all. Basically, it was shaved on both sides with the remaining hair in the middle spiked. Xanxus smirked. At least he could use the _razor_.

Xanxus started by covering the mirror with a black cloth. "S-sir! Why have you-"

"Shut up. Aren't hair-cuts all surprises? By cutting away the old hair...it's a damn surprise you arse-wipe! Appreciate it, you scum!" growled Xanxus, while shaving away the right side of his head. The man nodded meekly with widened eyes and remained silent. Xanxus then proceeded to shave off the left side when he heard a small cry of protest.

"S-sir! W-why do I feel a slight emptiness? W-why are you using the ra-"

"Shut the fuck up, or I'll shave your trash-like face until even the garbage man won't know what type of rubbish you are anymore."

"Y-y-yes!" stammered the customer in horror, "S-s-sorry, sir!" And with that, he mentally zipped his mouth shut. Good move. Xanxus dipped his hand into some hair gel and hastily spiked his hair up. He then shoved the man into a room used especially for hair washing. "A-are you w-washing my hair now, s-sir?"

"What does it look like? You think I'm leaking on your hair, trash-hole? I think the men's toilets are more appropriate," hissed Xanxus, who grabbed the nearest bottle of what seemed like shampoo and washed his hair with it. He noticed some whitening on the man's hair, but he brushed the thought away. _Just aging...white hairs only..._ Well, he couldn't care less anyway. As long as he finished the job... Xanxus looked around and saw an interesting bottle on the shelf. He walked towards it, picked it up without hesitation and poured the contents onto the man's hair without even taking a glimpse of the label.

Suddenly, within a few seconds, the man's hair changed dramatically- from hair to…

_No hair._

Xanxus stared, and stared. He closed his eyes, and then opened them. _Doesn't matter...we all lose our hairs eventually...this guy just wasn't so lucky..._ He quickly used a towel to cover his head and turned off the taps. "Finished, trash," he said, "Keep the towel on your head until you walk out of the shop. It's a surprise...and if you don't..." Xanxus snatched a razor from the table and held it to the man's face. "You won't live to see tomorrow."

"Y-y-yes! T-thank you s-s-so much, s-sir!" cried the customer as he ran out of the room to pay. Xanxus sighed and rubbed his temples. _You won't be thanking me after you take that shit off your head._

* * *

><p>The man walked swiftly to the door and stepped out to face a cold gust of wind, which blew the towel away. <em>Huh? Why does my head feel so cold? Huh?<em> He touched his _hair_. _Wait. What? Hang on. What? _He was touching his head instead of his hair. The man touched some more and his eyes widened in shock. _T-this c-can't b-be...I-I have a d-date t-tonight..._

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!__!"_

* * *

><p>Turned out Xanxus looked at the wrong hair-style to begin with. Then he had bleached his hair instead of washing it with shampoo. And to make matters worse, he used a 'Hair Removal' instead of conditioner.<p>

Are you really sure you know the difference between shampoo and conditioner, Xanxus?

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Hair dresser

**STATUS: FIRED.**

* * *

><p>Enjoyed it yeah?<p>

Please review! [Points to the button to the right ^_^]

Later! Keep the suggestions rolling!

Stay Tuned!XD

-TUGB


	9. a Clerk

YO! I know this is quite late...but nonetheless, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I HOPE 2012 WILL BE AN AWESOME ONE FOR YOU!=D=D

Ok, this is a suggestion from: 'TheParadoxicalOtaku' ! I have to admit that this was a tad hard to write, so I hope it's alright^^

Please enjoy!~

* * *

><p><strong>...a Clerk...<strong>

The Mafia boss loosened his tie and clicked his pen impatiently before signing another heap of papers which were that was piled on his crowded desk. He couldn't be bothered signing his real signature, so he made a new one up as he went along. The signature before was in a shape of a small fish, and most of the others were in the shape of some sort of weird underwater creatures.

Then Xanxus decided to change the 'Underwater' theme to a 'Gardening' theme. Lovely choice. He was in the middle of signing a tomato signature when an officer came in and placed another large pile of papers before him.

"Curse those damned sheets..." he hissed, narrowing his eyes at the papers. Oh how he wanted to shoot them down...Xanxus had his guns on his job for the first time in ages, but he decided not to use them at the moment. _Those shitty papers are not worthy of my gun..._ Xanxus let out an exasperated sigh and stretched his arms. In the Varia, it was usually Squalo who did all the paperwork. Now, things were different. _He _was the one stuck with all the paperwork.

"I need to think of a way to get rid of these papers," he muttered and observed his surroundings, when he saw a photocopying machine in the corner of the room. Suddenly, a great, fantastic, brilliant idea came to his mind. Yes! Xanxus strode over to the machine, laid a signed sheet of paper on the photocopying screen, and pressed a mysterious-looking button, which caused the machine to shake violently. _Damn...don't you die trash before I can put my plan into action, you scum!_ The machine stopped shaking and Xanxus let out a relieved sigh.

Too early. The machine then started coughing up black ink. He stared wide-eyed at the photocopying machine in shock.

"You...were supposed to hear what I was thinking, you brainless jerk!" he growled, as he took his guns out of his pockets and pointed them at the sickly-looking machine, "Can't you see I need to photocopy some freaking paper?" Xanxus restrained himself from firing, which took up nearly all of his mental power. _I can't shoot it...yet...I need to photocopy before the officer comes in again._ Last chance. He pressed a red button and held his breath. "Come on, you shitty piece of trash...unless your arse is constipated." And fair enough, the photocopies did come out! He gathered the sheets quickly and walked back to his desk.

_Operation Getting-rid-of-the-trash-paper: START._

Xanxus stared at the 90 copies he made of the signed paper. Each photocopy had the same 'tomato' signature on it. He stared at the signature, "I should have put a stem on the tomatoes, dammit..."

He grabbed 30 copies of the signed papers and placed them on top of the unsigned stack of papers, then placed another 30 copies in the middle of the pile and lastly, positioned 30 signed copies in the end of the pile of unsigned sheets. _Hehe, done. Now...all I have to do now..._ Xanxus removed 90 unsigned sheets from the pile, since his manager would wonder how and why did his pile of papers increase so dramatically.

"Where the heck do I hide them..." he murmured, looking around, "Tch, I'll just go and stick them up someone's pathetic arse." Not that you could fit 90 papers in someone's arsehole... Xanxus strode across the room and placed the cursed papers into anything that he could find that looked suitable as a hiding place.

_20 copies into a flowerpot:_ This ended up being 15 copies, because Xanxus couldn't roll the papers into the right shape of a flowerpot. Yes, it was hard. It was a gourd shape.

_15 scrunched up copies in the fish-tank:_ He was getting desperate. "At least the stupid fish could eat it..."

_35 copies as 'brand new' wallpaper:_ This was quite successful. Xanxus covered a cream-coloured wall with blank white sheets of paper, making sure the text was on the other side of course. Actually...anyone would be kind of stupid if they didn't realise that something was wrong with that wall. Terribly wrong...

_20 copies burnt to a crisp with his guns: _Yes. He finally did it. He finally used his guns. Oh the satisfactory feeling of pulling that trigger...on pieces of damned paper...right.

After an hour of hard work, which consisted of trashing unsigned paper, he glanced at the places where he hid the troublesome pieces of paper. "They definitely won't notice," Xanxus said triumphantly, as he got up to leave the room, whilst making sure that the pile of 'signed' papers was still on the desk. Just when he was about to step out of the room, he saw something that made his blood boil. In the far left corner of the room...was...

_A paper shredder._

Xanxus stared hard at the machine and he impulsively reached for his guns.

_**BANG.**_

"_I didn't see any damn paper shredder..."_

If only you had seen that earlier, you wouldn't have to go through all that trouble trying to hide the papers, Xanxus.

* * *

><p>"Wow, that newbie was certainly good! He signed all the papers within an hour!" exclaimed the manager proudly, going through the first 28th sheets, "He would make an excellent cler-"<p>

_31__st__ sheet_

"..."

"..."

"..."

"W-WHAT THE HELL? WHY ARE THESE BLANK!"

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Clerk

**STATUS: **FIRED

* * *

><p><span>A little extra: [Just imagine the look on his face if you said that out loud to him...]<span>

Xanxus stared hard at the machine and he impulsively reached for his guns.

_**BANG.**_

Ah...whoops. You just **_missed._ **

* * *

><p>Yay! I hope you liked it! Thank you for the fantastic suggestions!XD Yeaahh!~<p>

Blurp. Stay tuned!~

-TUGB


	10. a Chef

Sup!=D

So sorry for the late update, I've been quite busy lately and everything's a mess=.= My room turned into a rubbish dump in just 2 days...Aish...

Anyhow! This is a lovely suggestion from 'Rinatsu' ! Great suggestion, so thank you! Many thanks to 'Mockingjay Rose' who Beta-eds this story for me!XD

Let's roll!

* * *

><p><strong>...a Cook...<strong>

"You there! Go clean the pots! And _you_," gestured the head chef at Xanxus, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, "Go and cook some broth!"

"Don't order me around, trash," grumbled Xanxus, as he pushed himself off the wall. He began putting on a chef's hat and tying up his apron, "Why some stupid broth? What about steak, potatoes, meat and steak stew?" He strode over to a large pot that was prepared for him and frowned. _How the hell do you make broth?_

Who knows, Xanxus? Just let your chef instincts take over and you'll be fine...I think.

"How's it goin' there buddy?" grinned a fellow chef, who forcefully grabbed Xanxus's hands and started hand-shaking them, "Know how ta' make a broth there, bro?"

Xanxus hastily retracted his hands from the chef and growled, "What the hell do you think? I'm not hired here for nothing." The other chef smiled and nodded, and then walked away with a wave. Xanxus rubbed his temples and sighed. He could cook and grill steak, as well as make steak pies and steak stew, but hey, just how the hell do you make some _ordinary_ broth? "Guess I'll have to call someone..." Xanxus slipped into the men's bathroom and took out his mobile. He scrolled through his list of contacts and hesitantly dialled a number.

"_The mobile you have just called is switched off. Please try again lat-"_

"Damnit!" Xanxus cursed impatiently, "Guess I'll just have to do it the hard way..."

_Ring Ring!_

_Ring Ring!_

_Rin-_

_**Click.**_

"..."

"..."

"..."

"_VOOOOOII!_ What the hell do you-"

"Shut up, shitty shark. Let me talk to Lussuria..._now._" hissed the Mafia Boss.

"B-Boss..?" spluttered his second-in-command, before running off the fetch their Sun Guardian. Xanxus heard him leave and instead of going to Lussuria, he screamed at the top of his lungs that their boss wanted to have a word with him. Xanxus leaned against the wall and sulked when he heard the Prince's signature laugh. Oh boy...this phone call was going to take a while...

"Ushishishi~ What do we have here, Boss?" greeted Bel, "Oh, Lussuria's here~"

"B-Boss? Did you want to speak to me, Mou?~" asked a very excited Lussuria, who was clutching tightly onto the phone.

"How the fuck do you make broth?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well, you just add-"

"_VOOII!_ WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT? YOU JUST ADD ANYTHING THAT PLEASES YOU AND MIX THEM TOGETHER!" shrieked Squalo, trying to snatch the phone off Lussuria, "Add anything you li-"

"Add some lime, oranges and passion-fruit into the broth, Boss! It always helps the flavour, Ushis-"cut in Bel, only to be interrupted by...

"No, Boss. Bel-senpai was wrong, you see. All you have to do and grab some stupid fake Prince and boil him till-"

"What was that, Ushishishi~" threatened Bel. The sound of knives being thrown was just audible. Xanxus sighed. _Does a freaking phone call always turn into a massacre every bloody time? _

"VOII! DON'T INTERRUPT ME, TRASHES!"

Suddenly, the phone was in Levi's hands, who just couldn't hold his excitement in anymore, "BOSS! I haven't seen you in ages! If you want to make some decent broth, all you need is ME! I will gladly assist you and will make your broth the No.1 in the-"

"Mou!~ That is wrong! Xanxus dear, can you hear me? All you need is a lot of soy sauce and water, alright? It adds to the flavour and the colou-"

_**Click.**_

Xanxus had the urge to crush his mobile to pieces, but quickly restrained himself. He needed the damn thing after all, but not as much as he needed Vodka. 'No alcoholic drinks permitted in the kitchen at all costs.' Damn this. The Mafia Boss strolled out and stood in front of the pot once again.

'_Add anything that pleases you'_

He grabbed 10 kilograms of steak and chicken drum-sticks from the freezer and threw it into the pot, as well as potatoes and some minced meat.

'_Add some lime, oranges and passion-fruit into the broth'_

Xanxus looked around for some limes, but came back with lemons instead. _I hope this will do..._ He also snatched a half-eaten apple from one of the chefs and some whipped cream. "Might as well make a shitty fruit salad..." he mumbled, whilst adding 5 litres of ice-cream, some oranges and a few stale-looking passionfruit in the pot, "It is _anything_ I like after all..."

Yep, great going Squalo. Some very vague information you gave there.

'_Grab some stupid fake Prince and boil him'_

"Where the heck do I find that?" roared Xanxus, observing his surroundings, "Something that looks like a stupid fake Prince..." Nothing came to mind, and the kitchen didn't provide much help either. _I'll just leave that till last..._

'_Add a lot of soy sauce and water'_

He wasted no time. Soon enough, Xanxus was pouring kilolitre after kilolitres of water, mixed with soy sauce into the large pot. The poor pot looked like it was up to its limit. "There," stepped back Xanxus, who was admiring his wonderful work of art.

_The art of making 'broth'._

He peered into the pot and stared. _Isn't broth supposed to be...brown? Why is this freaking broth...yellow? _"Damnit, this is so annoying...just who the hell am I cooking for anyway? Some scum who wants some stupid broth, give me a damn break!" snarled Xanxus, as he made his way to the fridge and took out some pavlova, meringues, 3 cans of whipped cream and another 10 kilograms of steak. How will steak help to lighten the colour, Xanxus? "This will have to work..." He was putting everything into the 'broth' and was just about to stir it, when something caught the corner of his eye.

'_Grab some stupid fake Prince and boil him'_

"I've got you," Xanxus smirked bitterly. He walked carefully towards it, "…you stupid fake Son-of-a-Prince."

* * *

><p>"Hey buddy! Whoa...I heard that you finished your broth, dude! Good on ya'!" laughed the chef from before. Xanxus ignored him and walked away, but the chef still followed him.<p>

"What was the last ingredient you put in, bro? I heard that it made some kind of shrieking sound," the curious chef asked, "Like you were killing an animal, dude!"

"..."

"Well?"

"..."

"C'mon man! Tell me! What's the secret ingredient ye-"

"A mink."

* * *

><p>"Well well! Good on you! Your broth seems great, except that there was a slight tinge of red. It looked like blood! But hey! A little blood is good, sometimes, haha!" grinned the head-chef, patting Xanxus on the back, "I'm sure the <em><strong>president<strong>_ will love it!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

The...SHIT!

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Cook

**STATUS: **FIRED.

* * *

><p>Yay!<p>

Please do leave a review!=D

Thank you so very much^^

Now...to clean that room of mine...-.- *Sigh*

-TUGB


	11. a Landlord

Yay! Glad to be back!=D So sorry for the delay! Thank you so much to all those reviews I got! I'm super ecstatic!=D

A lovely suggestion from: 'Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin' ! Thanks for your suggestion!XD

I will probably be updating once 2-3 weeks. Thanks so much for your ongoing support and your opinions of the story!

Yee-Ha!

* * *

><p><strong>...A Land-Lord<strong>

He groaned tiredly and headed out of the sliding doors, whilst loosening his black tie and unbuttoning a few collar buttons. A man in a vivid red suit with a polka-dot tie greeted him and opened the door of a lavish-looking car for him. He ignored the man and stepped in. The man followed behind and signalled to the driver that they were ready to go.

The man wasted no time. "Xanxus-sama, you hold a prestigious position as our new manager and land-lord." He waited for a response, but got none. "We, the 'Sunny Roadarse Inn', are one of the wealthiest and best house-sellers in the country, with a majority of our assets being hotels and mansions." The man paused and seemed as if he was demanding for a nod or a small reply. Xanxus nodded and continued to stare out the window. _Who the hell names their company 'RoadARSE'? _The man smiled and resumed talking, much to Xanxus's dismay.

"My name is Richard Richards and I will be accompanying you today, sir!" said Richard enthusiastically. The nod from Xanxus seemed to have given him an extra boost in energy and enthusiasm. He offered Xanxus some red wine and was pleased when he accepted, but slightly flinched when his partner quaffed it in one big gulp.

_Not the best wine, trash...and why does your first name sound like your last name...you confusing bastard._

"X-Xanxus-sama, today you will be collecting the rent money from 3 clients. I, on the other hand, will be inspecting some rooms and making sure that none have been damaged or vandalised," explained Richard, taking 3 different coloured manila folders from his briefcase, "Here you go, Xanxus-sama!"

Xanxus took the folders and opened them one after the other. They were the profiles of the clients. How much they owe, how much they bought a property for, how long they have stayed in the property and so forth. He skimmed it quickly and put them down. _How boring._

**-XXXX-**_  
><em>

"Aha! We have arrived, Xanxus-sama!" grinned Richard Richards excitedly, getting out of the car and flattening the non-existent creases on his immaculate red suit. He stole a glance at his boss, the new landlord, and nodded admiringly. _Just the right guy for the job! With his intimidating expression and aura...the clients will be sure to pay up this time! Not like the previous years..._

Richard knitted his eyebrows as he thought about last year's catastrophe. "The clients didn't pay up and they nearly killed our ex-boss in the process...it was quite the controversy..." the man mumbled quietly, whilst following Xanxus towards the entrance of the posh building.

The building was literally covered in gold and diamonds. Grandiose decorative ornaments were placed in nearly every corner of the first floor, adding to the high-class, superior atmosphere. The whole place sparkled like crazy, especially the well-polished floor tiles, which you could use as a substitute mirror. The Varia boss frowned. He didn't like the place one single bit. With the excessive amounts of gold, glitter and expensive ornaments, he suddenly felt insecure. Not to mention with the hundreds of high-tech security cameras glaring daggers at you everywhere you strode. Xanxus absolutely _hated the damn place. _

"Glitter my arse...why the hell is there so many sparkles?" growled Xanxus, taking a seat on one of the plush couches in the waiting lounge. He wanted to get this over and done with. _Quickly._ To get out of the shitty place. He didn't like this feeling of being insecure. It didn't suit him.

* * *

><p><em>Knock Knock.<em>

"Xanxus-sama, I will accompany you on this client. However for the other 2 clients, you will have to go alo-"

"Y-Yes...O-Oh!" spluttered a surprised young woman, who was still in her pyjamas. She looked hesitantly at the duo, nodded and ran quickly back into her room. In less than a minute, she handed over an envelope with the rent money. Richard swiftly counted the money and beamed.

"Thank you, ma'am! All is here! Thank you for your time!"

"Y-Yes...no problem, Mr Richards," the woman spoke timidly, then went back into her room and closed the door behind her with a satisfactory _click._

"Well well, that went all good! Our next client!" said Richard gleefully, happy that this was going the way he wanted. Xanxus just sulked and walked to their next room, ignoring the lively man behind him. He was happy to leave him behind.

**-XXXX-**

_Knock Knock._

...

_Knock Knock._

...

Xanxus was losing his patience. _What the hell is this scum doing? Taking a freaking bath? _He was about to knock once more when-

"What the hell do you want, moron?"

Xanxus glared at the man and snarled, "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"

The big man flinched slightly. He was never treated this way before. Known as the 'Big Bully' of the hotel, he bullied the land-lords and his men when they came for his money, hence he never paid a single cent. Even the police couldn't stop him. The man's name was Carl Carlie. A big man covered in a skin of tattoos. _Another retarded name...for trash._

"What are you waiting for, trash? Your rent money is what I need, so hand the damn thing over."

"And _who _do you think _you're_ talking to, idiot?" Carl retorted, "I can break your puny neck in a matter of a few seconds, bastard!"

"Who do you think I'm talking to, scum?" growled Xanxus irritably, "To a piece of shit."

Carl glowered at the man before him. _How dare he speak to me like that._ He sniggered, "I don't have money for shit, dude. Don't irritate me, Mr Land-lord. Or else..." Carl moved towards Xanxus with a menacing glare, cracking his knuckles, "You've got the wrong guy her-" The big man didn't get to finish. In a flash, Xanxus brought out one of his guns and pointed it to his temple. He smirked.

"No, you've got it wrong. Your life insurance can pay," hissed the Italian, loading his gun, "I bet you're worth more than your rent money." The tattooed man immediately winced and remained silent. _He_ was _dealing_ _with the wrong guy here._

"I-I'll g-give you t-the m-money...s-sir!" Carl Carlie rasped, "P-Please let me go, sir!"

Xanxus smirked bitterly, still holding onto his gun. He wasn't playing games here.

_Click._

"Go, scum. I'll be right behind you."

**-XXXX-**

Xanxus had had enough for a day. He flexed his arms and yawned, while walking towards the last client's room. Maybe it wasn't all _that_ bad...at least he got to use his X-guns. He was waiting for the best opportunity to use it, and the client revealed just the right expression when faced with his guns. A face full of _terror and indignation._ Xanxus didn't kill him though. He wasn't _that_ brutal.

_Knock Knock._

_..._

_Knock Knock._

_..._

Xanxus glared at the door in annoyance. "What is taking this stupid client so long..."

_Knock Knock._

_..._

"That's it."

**BANG.**

The hinges of the door broke apart, unable to withstand the force of the blast. The door came down with a _crash._ Xanxus stepped inside. _Why isn't anyone reacting? I'm sure some trashes like these would've heard the gunshot._ The room was dark and eerie. Xanxus stalked the room like a hunter hunting for its prey. "Wasting my time...looking for a bloody client."

He knocked on the bathroom door.

_..._

_..._

**BANG.**

_No-one._

He wasn't going to get his hands dirty, turning all the freaking door handles. So instead, he decided to blast every poor door that was in his way.

**BANG.**

**BANG. **

**BANG.**

_No-one._

It got to the point when Xanxus was so frustrated that he blasted all the furniture of the room, since it _got_ _in his way._ He will remember this room. _Always._ The fucking room that he completely wasted his time on.

The land-lord stepped out of the room and examined his 'masterpiece'.

_Brilliant. Trash-style._

* * *

><p>"Xanxus-sama! I was wondering where you went!" cried Richard Richards, running towards him, "Why didn't you collect the money off the last client?"<p>

Xanxus stared at the younger man weirdly. "What the hell are you on about? That scum wasn't even in his room." _And I wasted my time._

Now it was Richard's turn to stare at Xanxus weirdly. "What are _you_ on about, Xanxus-sama? _Here's_ the last client!" He pointed to a woman in her early thirties. "She came down to find me, since she said that the land-lord didn't come to her room!"

"Her room was on the very first level and she was even waiting outside for you to collect the money!" continued Richard, "You didn't go to the wrong room perhaps, sir?"

...

...

...

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Xanxus replied hoarsely. _No freaking idea._

* * *

><p>Due to the violation of a mistaken hotel room...<p>

**NAME: **Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Land-lord

**STATUS: **FIRED.

* * *

><p>Wooh!<p>

*Eating fruit*

Gaaa kakaka!

Yeeeee-Haaa!~ [Don't know where I got that from...just popped into my head]

-TUGB


	12. an Ice cream man

Hellooo=D

Yay! 100 reviews! When I first started, I never thought I would make it to this many; therefore I am forever grateful to all those wonderful reviewers out there! Thank you:)

Well then, a suggestion from Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin. An extremely funny suggestion I must say. Keep those suggestions rolling! You never know which occupation I may write next, hehe^^ Many thanks to Mockingjay Rose for beta-editing this story for me(Y)

Even though this is late, a _very Happy Birthday, Squalo!_=D _-13/03/2012 _

Please sit back, grab some GREEN tea ice-cream and enjoy the show~

* * *

><p><strong>...an Ice-cream man<strong>

"Strawberry!"

"No! Sir, strawberry's mine!"

"Bubblegum flavour please!"

"May I please have a chocolate ice-cream?"

Xanxus gruffly spooned balls of ice-cream into several cones and cups and held them out to a lively bunch of primary school children. He watched as their faces lit up with delight and devoured the ice-cream like there was no tomorrow. Watching them eat made the Varia boss sick. He sat back down on a small chair and closed a number of ice-cream lids to prevent them from melting.

Xanxus leaned back and closed his eyes. He felt claustrophobic. And why was that? He was _not_ working in some large air-conditioned shopping centre. He was _not_ working in some shop by the street. Instead, he was working in a miniature ice-cream van, with an air-conditioner that turned on and off periodically. He _did _think about busting the damn trash with his guns, but then he wouldn't have _any_ air-conditioning at all.

"Damn trash van..." he growled menacingly, while turning on the radio. The enthusiastic vocals of the reporter filled the van.

_"Hi and welcome to our wonder-ful news! First up, the man who had finally got the infamous Carl Carlie to pay up his $50,000 rent bill! What a landlord he was! However, it was also reported that the landlord destroyed a room in the process of collecting another tenant's rent and was fir-"_

**_Smash._**

One minute the radio was intact and stood there, waiting to be turned on. Then the next minute, it was smashed to bits by an outraged Italian. Even scarier; with his bare hands.

"Freaking news reporters these days...got nothing to talk about, those scums," he hissed. Being stuck in an ice-cream van didn't improve his mood, and when an innocent-looking young girl walked by, Xanxus glared at her.

"What the hell do you want?" he snapped. Simultaneously, he grabbed an ice-cream cone from the bench, and subconsciously crushed it to bits.

"W-Wah!" cried the girl, frightened by the 'Ice-cream man's' weird behaviour.

Xanxus scowled and cursed under his breath, and snatched another cone. He waited for the girl's order impatiently.

"I-I w-would like a k-kiwi-flavoured i-ice-cream, please s-sir!" spluttered the terrified girl, with her gaze down at the door and fiddling with her red dress.

Xanxus raised an eyebrow. _Kiwi?_ He looked at the available flavours he had and frowned. "We don't have any kiwi-flavoured ice-cream."

"U-Um...b-boysenberry-flavoured then?" the girl asked hopefully.

Xanxus stared at her, then at his row of ice-cream. _Why is this girl requesting the weirdest of flavours? Everyone wants strawberry and chocolate...just have those, damnit. _His gaze went back to the girl. "We don't have that," he said coldly, and gestured to the menu that was flapping wildly against the wind. He made a mental note to get that stupid thing fixed. "Have strawberry or something."

"N-No! I want a **_purple_** coloured ice-cream!" the girl wailed, with tears glazing her violet-coloured eyes. Xanxus bit his lip in annoyance. The last thing he wanted was to make a young girl cry...like the time he was a milkman. Oh, that was _hell_. The Mafia boss didn't want the shrill cries of distress perturbing his head for the rest of the day. He had already enough experiences with Squalo's shrieking and Bel's hysterical laughter every day in the mansion.

Xanxus scanned the ice-cream he had in store.

_No purple._

"Screw this..."

With Plan A gone, he had to go with Plan B.

_Make purple._

"Pink and blue..."

Xanxus opened the lids of the strawberry and blueberry flavoured ice-cream and spooned a ball of ice-cream from each. The strawberry flavour was pink, and the blueberry flavour was blue. _Perfect._ He carefully placed the spoonfuls into an empty ice-cream container and paused.

"How the hell do I mix this damn thing?" he growled, stealing a glance at the young girl who was currently preoccupied with a colourful bird that was flying by. Xanxus snatched a colossal spoon from a shelf and began to mix the two together. His efforts were in vain. He cursed in frustration and threw the ice-cream away, since it was already turning into a sticky liquid.

Xanxus frowned. He glanced at the clock. _4:33pm._

_Nearly closing time anyway...screw this bloody ice-cream._ He had another plan in mind. Xanxus searched the shelves hastily and finally found what he was looking for.

_Purple food colouring._

He lifted the lid off the vanilla-flavoured ice-cream and smirked bitterly. Farewell, vanilla-ice-cream. The Italian poured the entire vial of purple into the pure, white layers below. The colour seeped into the ice-cream slowly. Xanxus decided to speed up the slow process by using an ice-cream scoop and mixing the ice-cream with the colouring. He stopped suddenly and realised that the mixture was _too _purple.

"Tch..."

He spooned spoonfuls of green tea ice-cream into the mixture, hoping that would lighten the colour. Xanxus probably spooned _too_ much. It was now a very light shade of brownish-purple. He snapped the spoon in rage, and if he had his X-guns, which unfortunately he didn't, he would have used them to blast the stupid mixture.

_Need to make the trash darker..._

Xanxus grasped a metal spoon from the draws and carefully placed a dollop of blackberry ice-cream into the mixture, and then he mixed the blackberry ice-cream into it.

_Finally._

It was the _right_ purple. The kind of purple one could see in the evening sky during sunset. _Perfect._ Xanxus breathed a small sigh of relief and served the ice-cream to the thrilled girl.

"I knew you had it, Sir!" she exclaimed gleefully, "Thank you, Mister!" She paid him and skipped off. Xanxus felt a slight smile tug at the corners of his lips. It was _over._ At last. He closed the shop window and took off his apron. He stared at the ice-cream. They were pretty much all contaminated with different colours and flavours. His manager had told him to avoid mixing ice-cream together. It was one of the most vital rules as well. Now that's his job...going down the drain...

He closed the ice-cream lids and quickly washed the spoons. And it was then when he realised it.

He had used _blackberry_ ice-cream in his mixture to form _purple_.

And what colour was _blackberry?_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Purple._

_..._

Oh the great lengths he would go to...to prevent a young girl from crying.

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Ice-cream man

**STATUS: **FIRED.

* * *

><p>Hehehe, imagine if the ice-cream colour turned <strong>brown<strong>**? **O_O||

Green tea, Green tea ice-cream, Green tea jelly, Green-

Ah ok, I should stop, hmm?

Oh oh! Include this in a review, yeah:

**Poll: When reading this, do you usually think of TYL Xanxus, just...the usual Xanxus (Not TYL) or both?**

I've always wondered what you guys thought, since I didn't actually mention his age and all. Thanks everyone!=D

-TUGB


	13. a High School teacher

Heyo!

I'm finally back and extremely busy, so I apologize for the late update. Thank you so much for bearing with me:D I will definitely try my best to update as soon as possible from now on, though I cannot guarantee anything because I have exams coming up. Hehehe^^ Hectic, isn't it?

Anyway! This occupation seemed quite popular, when I last checked my reviews, so I have decided to write it! Yeah! (Y) Therefore, I have made the chapter longer than usual because of this, also because of my late update, and since some readers wanted a longer chapter. I cannot guarantee long chapters for every occupation though, sorry^^

The suggestion are from the following: sister-forever, Vongola Xerxes, kimichee, Sparrowfeathers, Viviviviviviviviviviviviviv and Toxic-Hibari

Thanks a bunch for the suggestions, everyone!=D Please enjoy and eat a Green Tea...erm...cookie!^^

* * *

><p><strong>...a High-school teacher <strong>

**TOKYO, JAPAN.**

The tanned Italian strode into the bustling classroom whilst shoving his hands into the pockets of his Varia pants. He hated kids, children, teenagers – the lot. Why did he have this job in the first place?

Well, it was the usual answer.

_Stupid old trash geezer._

Xanxus kicked out an armchair, which was behind the teacher's desk, and made himself comfortable. He let out a loud yawn and turned to the class. A vein immediately popped on his forehead.

The damned class was _ignoring_ him. No, let's make the sentence simpler.

Xanxus was _ignored._

It enraged him. He felt his face turn beet red with frustration, and the next thing everyone knew, a gunshot was fired at the back wall which resulted in a large hole. Fortunately, the next room was vacant, otherwise Xanxus would have lost his job on the spot. Heads turned and dumbfounded gasps were heard throughout the classroom.

"Oh my gosh, did you see that Chizuru-chan?"

"Whoa what the hell, man? The teacher has a gun!"

"W-What is he doing? A-A gun...?"

"S-Someone call the police!"

"Awesome..."

Xanxus silenced the class with a deadly glower.

"Shut the hell up, _trashes_," he snarled. The class flinched and immediately quietened down considerably. Some shrunk away in fear and hid behind exercise books, while others averted their stunned gapes to some other object in the classroom. Xanxus also noted that quite the majority of the students were amazed at how a foreigner could speak Japanese so fluently by the surprised gawk etched onto their faces. He smirked. _Don't underestimate your teacher, dumbasses. _

_This_ was the outcome that he wanted. _This_ was what he expected from teenage scums.

Xanxus unbuttoned the top buttons of his high-collared shirt, and propped his head upon the back of his hands on the arm of the armchair.

"My name is Xanxus," he told them with a glare.

The students nodded meekly and instantly began their morning routine.

"Stand!"

"Rise!"

...

"Good morning Xanxus-sensei," came their droning voices, with some stutters in between.

Xanxus hated it. He hated their drawls when they pronounced his name with no energy, he hated the way they all looked at him with sheer curiosity like he was an alien from outer space, and he hated how they had to do this _every freaking morning_.

_Pathetic._

He slammed his hand against the teacher's table, forming a crack on the smooth wood. "I do not want to hear that ever again, trashes," Xanxus hissed dangerously, his finger on the trigger of his pocketed X-gun, "Or you will never see the light of tomorrow."

The students' mouths hung open in absolute terror, with some registering the visuals as to what might happened to them in their head. A few brave ones replied with an uneasy and nervous "Y-Yes, X-Xanxus-sensei!", while the others just nodded dumbly. Xanxus ignored them and stood up facing the chalk board, holding onto the lesson plan assigned to him for today.

**_Lesson Plan_**

**_Monday 10th April, 2012_**

**_Substitute teacher: Xanxus_**

**_Period 1: Reading_**

**_Period 2: Maths_**

**_-Recess-_**

**_Period 3 and 4: Sport_**

**_-Lunch-_**

**_Period 5 and 6: English exam_**

The Varia Boss resisted the urge to crush the damned piece of paper in his hands. Just what type of lesson plan was this? The teacher who assigned him this was to be blamed.

_That bastard. Taking the day off to go to some shitty school excursion is not a good enough excuse, scum._ Nonetheless, Xanxus continued on with the 'lesson'.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Reading<span>**

"Reading..." he muttered to himself, while pondering what he could get the students to do to pass the time. Oh boy, it was going to be a _long_ day...

"S-Sensei!" chirped a girl in the front row who was fiddling with her school skirt, obviously nervous to be speaking up in class, "For this period, we have to read a novel abou-"

"Read whatever the hell you want," barked Xanxus, sitting back down on the armchair and disregarding the girl, "Just read."

The class nodded silently, too scared to speak up to their new teacher and quietly took some books from under their wooden tables. The girl pushed up her glasses abashedly and immediately turned a deep shade of red. Xanxus eyed her and sighed heavily. He paced over to a makeshift bookshelf which was in one corner of the room, swiftly chose an appropriate book and handed it to the girl, whose head was down with embarrassment.

"Just read," he commanded coldly, but with a slightly softer tone. And with that, he walked away.

The girl blinked, still unable to comprehend what had just happened. She smiled marginally and flipped open the book with interest, her head bowed down.

_Maybe, just maybe...the teacher isn't so bad..._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Maths<span>**

"Pythagoras' Theorem is used to find the hypotenuse of a triangle, and the formula for this is-"

"Right, I got it," cut off Xanxus, whilst striding towards the chalkboard with a piece of green chalk in hand, "Now repeat it so I can copy it down on the board, trash."

The teenage boy stared at his teacher in disbelief. _Didn't he just cut me off...?_ The boy gulped nervously and began to read his sentence again.

"P-Pythagoras' Theorem is used to find the hypotenuse-"

"Too fast," growled the substitute teacher, snapping the chalk impulsively in annoyance, "How the hell do you think I can keep up with you at that pace?" The student replied with a shaky "Y-Yes, S-Sensei!" and started again. _Is this even maths anymore? _he thought weakly.

"Pythagoras' Theorem is used to find the hypotenuse of a triangle, and the form-"

**_Smash._**

The students all stared wide-eyed at what used to be their beloved chalkboard, which they had shared so many class memories with. _Now_, the board had a huge hole in the centre. Why?

It was due to Xanxus punching the board in anger with his bare fist.

"Too slow," the Varia boss hissed, locking his wrathful crimson orbs with the boy's black ones. The boy hurriedly averted his gaze and hid behind his maths textbook.

Xanxus was fed up. Who knew that teaching maths could be so damn hard? He groaned and walked back towards the teacher's desk, with his fist still clenched with anger.

"Just read from your stupid maths text-books."

* * *

><p><strong><span>Recess<span>**

"Dismissed."

"Yes, Sensei!"

The students couldn't wait to get out of the door. They were literally fighting for a place outside the door, fighting for a place out of the cursed classroom.

They had never been so enthusiastic about recess until now.

It had always been lunch.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sport<span>**

"One, two, three, four, one two three four, one, two-"

Xanxus yawned and crossed his right leg over his left. Just listening to them count "One, two, three, four" to their exercise routine repeatedly in a droning voice made him tired, so he decided it was the best idea not to take a 'sip' of his Tequila – it could make his situation much worse. Teachers were not supposed to fall asleep in class, let alone bring liquor into the premises. But as for Xanxus...well...

_He just couldn't care less. _

The piercing sound of a whistle blow brought the Mafia boss back to reality. He straightened his posture as a student came towards him.

"Sensei, what sports are supposed to be doing today?"

"How should I know? Just play basketball or something."

"Y-Yes!" replied the girl hesitantly and walked away a few metres, then came back, looking awfully flustered.

"What do you want?" Xanxus snapped impatiently.

"T-The key to the sports equipmen-"

But before she could continue, Xanxus threw the keys lightly at her. She fumbled with the keys before muttering a soft 'Thank you', and then ran to the store-room in a hurry.

**-XXXX-**

**ORANGE TEAM**

"Kenuta-kun, pass it here!"

8 v 8

**GREEN TEAM**

"Here, Satsuna!" cried a boy, dashing towards his team-mate and signalling to her desperately, "Satsuna!"

Satsuna spotted her frantic friend and nodded, throwing the basketball towards him. Fujioji caught it perfectly and headed swiftly to the net whilst bouncing the ball in between breaths.

"Get him, guys!" a hoarse male voice was heard, commanding to the opposing team, "Don't let him score a goal! We have to win this!"

_Too late._

Fujioji was already at the net. Everybody watched in awe as the teenager sprang gracefully and slam-dunked the basketball into the hoop.

8 v 9

"Yes! We won! Good job, Fujio-"

Then there was a gasp.

"F-Fuijoji!"

The rumbling sound of feet rushing towards their class-mate was heard on the gym floor boards. Everybody crowded around the teenager, who was sprawled on the floor clutching his foot with an expression of pain contorted onto his features.

"Someone call Sense-"

"What is it?" Xanxus asked apathetically to the student who was standing dominantly over the fallen boy.

"H-His ankle, Sensei...look."

Their substitute teacher grumbled and squatted in front of Fujioji, whose eyes were closed due to the immense wave of pain from his ankle. _What an idiot, getting so worked up over such a useless and insignificant injury._

"Straighten your damn leg," Xanxus ordered harshly. Once his leg was straightened, Xanxus positioned his hand on his injured ankle lightly.

"Ow..."

The Mafia boss continued to press down softly on the areas around Fujioji's ankle, which resulted in sustained whimpers from the boy that greatly irritated Xanxus. He had watched the boy catch the basketball, run towards the net and then slam-dunk the ball into the hoop, scoring his team their decisive goal. All was well, until Fujioji landed back down onto the floor, hard on his ankle. The next thing everybody knew, the boy was slumped onto the gym floor and grabbing his leg, his face full of agony.

Yep, _what a day_.

"You've broken your ankle," said Xanxus as he rose from his squatting position. He then gestured to two boys nearby, "Get him to the infirmary." The two boys nodded anxiously and helped their friend cautiously onto his feet.

"Wow...so cool!"

"I hope Fujioji-kun will be alright..."

"Sensei sure knows his stuff, eh Teiji?"

"Still a scary teacher nonetheless!"

Xanxus then turned to the rest of the class, silencing their chattering. "Dismissed, it's nearly lunch. Go get changed."

* * *

><p><strong><span>English (Exam)<span>**

"I hope you had a nice lunch, trashes, because you will soon be through a lot of hell," smirked Xanxus bitterly as he handed out the test papers to his students. He saw some students sigh heavily in defeat and stare at their paper in a daze.

"You will be in even more hell if you cheat or look at anybody else's work."

The students nodded timidly.

"Nevertheless, good luck, scums," Xanxus said torpidly from his precious armchair, with his feet placed up on the teacher's desk.

"T-Thank you, Sensei!" _I was forced to say it. No need to waste saliva and 'thank' me, you imbecile brats._

_"Start."_

...

...

...

"What? We haven't even learnt this!"

"W-What is this question...?"

"So hard!"

"Did we get the wrong test paper?"

"Shut the hell up and just do it, you morons!" Xanxus roared in frustration, "If you're saying you can't even complete a question like that, then you're suckers at English."

"Y-Y-Yes, S-Sensei!"

**-XXXX-**

For the next one and a half hours, all Xanxus heard were intense scribbling, heavy exhales, some yawns and more intense scribbling. Not to mention the well-known line:

"Sensei, can I please go to the toilet?"

Followed by the teacher's lecture:

"It's not 'can I', dumbass. Any living trash can go the damned toilet, and how the heck would I know if you _can_ or not? It's 'may I'. Remember that, stupid."

Followed by the embarrassed student's reply:

"Y-Yes, Sensei!"

Yes, Xanxus had enough of this 'teacher' life. Just listening to the class scribbling made him want to fall asleep. He had nothing to do anyway, since he wasn't bothered to mark the previous class-work they had completed with their usual teacher.

He checked the clock.

_It was time._

"Pencils down."

* * *

><p><strong>RIIINNNGGG!<strong>

...

"Dismissed."

"The bell!"

"Yeah, let's get outta here!"

"The ice-cream store here I come!~"

Xanxus tidied the completed test papers and located them in a pile on the desk. The bell had rung. Oh, the stupid bell had finally rung. Finally it was time to-

"Bye, Sensei!"

"Thank you, Xanxus-sensei!"

"Bye!"

"L-Later, X-Xanxus-sensei"

"Fujioji says 'Thank you', Sensei!"

Xanxus nodded tiredly at the students, and then strode out of the classroom without a second glance at the damages that were made by his fist and his X-gun. He didn't expect the students to 'thank' him, though. After all, what had he done that had been productive anyway? He proceeded towards the staff room and was greeted by the Head English teacher.

**-XXXX-**

"Oh, Xanxus-sensei! How nice to meet you here! Going yet?" questioned the jolly man, walking with Xanxus to the staff room. He then saw the students' finished English papers. "Oh, Xanxus-sensei! How did your students go in the test? I made the question not _too_ difficult, haha. Hopefully they liked it!"

"..."

"Mind if I take a quick look?"

Xanxus handed the pile over and took a few steps back to lean against the corridor wall. _What the hell does this old trash want? Can't he see that I desperately want to get out of this place?_

He looked on as the Head of English teacher flipped through the papers, with an expression of...aghast? _Tch...the students must have done really well...that's why the old geezer is shocked, heh. _

"X-Xanxus-sensei..."

Xanxus locked his crimson orbs with the Head teacher's blue ones. A flash of concern could be seen in his eyes, and a look of horror crossed his expression.

"Y-You gave the students the wrong paper."

* * *

><p>Due to the violation of school property and handing students the incorrect test-paper...<p>

**NAME: Xanxus**

**OCCUPATION: High-school teacher**

**STATUS: FIRED.**

* * *

><p><strong>An extra segment:<strong>

He hated kids, children, teenagers – the lot...well, no wonder he hated that Sawada Tsunayoshi enough to fire a shot at his lovely wall; enough to break his wooden kitchen table, and enough to make his life hell. Yeah, like what he did to the classroom, as well as his students.

You're going to be in for some trouble, Tsuna. He's hunting for your house!

* * *

><p>What did you think, yeah?<p>

I hope you liked that Extra Segment; it was random^^ Also, Mockingjay Roseand I have made a new Fanfiction account with the pen-name: The Green Rose137 Hehehe, yep, Green! Please do check out our recently posted story=D

I've also got a new story up as well, though it's not too recent. Hehehe, it's the genre, **Angst/Hurt/Comfort**, so if any of those genres interest you, please also check that out and leave me some feedback!=D

Thanks! Did you like the Green cookie?

I got a Green watch.

-TUGB


	14. a Parking Ranger

Yo~

Sorry about the late update. My exams are finally over, so it has been less hectic^^ Thank goodness, hmm. But alas, in the next 4-5 weeks later or so, I will have examinations once again. They are never-ending=.=

Anyhow, this is a suggestion from me, TUGB! Hehe, it was very amusing to write like the other chapters:D Please look forward to it, and forgive me about the late update TT_TT

This chapter has not been beta-edited -the edited version will be posted up as soon as possible^^

Here goes~

* * *

><p><strong>AN: TYL Xanxus in this chapter. Hence all the other characters are TYL^^ Also, the setting is in Venice, Italy. Don't ask me why...the first place that I thought of was Venice, ehehe.**

* * *

><p><strong>...a Parking Ranger<strong>

**VENICE, ITALY**

_Rip._

And there goes another Parking Ticket.

With smooth strides towards the vehicle, Xanxus swiftly slipped a small yellow ticket under the car's windscreen wipers. He moved a few steps backwards and examined the car once more to confirm the offence, before frowning in disproval.

The large, orange Four Wheel Drive was literally trying to sandwich the poor, little blue Volkswagen between the car's behind. As a result, the Volkswagen's headlights and the majority of its front had been damaged accordingly by the Four Wheel Drive. The car behind the Volkswagen was pretty close to damaging the back of the Volkswagen as well.

The cars didn't have to _that_ intimate.

Xanxus sighed heavily.

"Tch, I bet the driver was just damn jealous of the Volkswagen," he muttered half-heartedly and walked away. The Mafia Boss adjusted his fluorescent lime green vest, which was part of his parking ranger uniform, and proceeded to the next level of Poi Poi Parking Station.

The Parking Station was enormous, with 10 levels of parking space. However, there was a cost. 200 Euros for 2 hours was pretty pricey indeed. Regardless of the cost, the Parking Station was well-known to the people of Venice, with maximum security as shown by the countless surveillance cameras and multiple security guards roaming around. The parking spaces were created to be quite spacious, though some people just seemed to park their cars outrageously – like the sandwiched car.

And that was when Xanxus's job came in:_ to issue the dreaded Parking Tickets._

Xanxus looked down at the Parking Ticket notebook and checked the number of tickets he had issued.

_50 parking tickets in an hour. _

And that was only the first level of the station. Yep, he was really going all out on this job.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"What, sir? This is downright outrageous!" yelled an angry owner of a small, red Ferrari. The owner was a short, middle-aged man, who had just come back from his shopping – only to find that he had been issued a Parking Ticket.<p>

"And what is outrageous, scum?" growled Xanxus impatiently. This guy was wasting his time.

"I just came back! I should still have 15 minutes left until the limit, sir! And why the hell are you giving me a-"

"No. Don't you know your maths, trash? Or are you really _that_ twisted in the brain?" Xanxus retorted, "The parking limit is $10 for 2 hours. The permit on your dashboard says you entered at 1:17pm, and now it is 3:30pm."

"I-I..W-Wait! B-But, sir! You just wasted my time right now, and that is unfair!" the man protested whilst making frantic hand gestures. "Sir, are you liste-"

"Does it_ look_ like I give a damn?"

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>Xanxus stared hard at the bright pink Lamborghini parked in front of him.<p>

"Pathetic."

_Rip._

And there goes another.

The car was parked out of its zone by a mere centimetre, but Xanxus ruled it as an offence and fined the owner 1900 Eurosfor doing so. He then examined the cars in that row and found that all the cars were parked at a maximum of 10 centimetres out of their zone.

The Varia Boss let loose a few vile words and groaned.

And off Xanxus went, grumbling and complaining during the long, relentless stroll through the row of incorrectly parked cars, whilst continuously and ruthlessly tearing parking tickets.

That whole row of cars were in for some of the Mafia Boss's 'ticket issuing wrath'.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

So far, Xanxus had already issued approximately 120 tickets in the last three levels of the Poi Poi Parking Station. Now, he was up to the fourth level and he was dreading the next six levels still to come. He reached into his pocket and took out a pocket watch that was given to him by Timoteo, so that he could check the time whilst he was at work. Xanxus was supposed to finish at 6 o'clock in the evening, and now it was 4:30pm.

"It's a bloody waste of my time, freaking trashes...I could be at my Headquarters, yelling at the useless scums," he muttered, running a hand through his sleek, dark hair.

He was about to inspect a strangely parked Fiat when he heard all too familiar voices; voices which immediately made his eyes twitch with annoyance.

"Jyuudaime, we should report this car," a young man with silver hair said, his voice tinged with aggravation, "We should find a ranger now. How dare the car scrape against the Vongola limousine!" The man leaned back on a wall and loosened his black tie, whilst examining the damage done. He growled in frustration and cursed.

"Gokudera-kun, it's alright. We'll go and find a ranger to fine the other car," reassured another young man, but with brown hair. "Chrome, please go and find a ranger nearby. Yamamoto, please accompany her," he instructed calmly.

"There's no bloody need to," snarled Xanxus, striding towards the group irritably. The grip on his pen tightened as his infuriation took over.

"X-Xanxus," the brunet stammered, turning to the incomer, "Why are you here of all places?" His eyes then travelled to the attire he was wearing. _A ranger's uniform perhaps?_ the young man wondered confusedly.

Xanxus locked his crimson orbs with the brunet's soft brown ones and snapped, "Is there a problem, brat?" Just when he thought his day wasn't going to get any better, these scums had popped out of the blue.

_Just what the hell is this? A party? Also, what the hell were they thinking driving a limousine into a parking station? Ridiculous...these idiots. _

Tsuna shook his head and replied, "No, there's no problem...u-uh, by any chance, Xanxus...are you the-"

"What the hell does it look like?" the Varia Boss countered, crossing his arms and leaning against the offending car, "Does it look like I came over to join your retarded party?"

"H-Hey, don't talk to Jyuudaime in that kind of langua-"

"Shut it. Do you want me to fine the blasted car or not, dumbasses? You are only wasting my time."

"Maa maa Xanxus, please fine the car," grinned Yamamoto, taking his hands out of his suit pocket, "We can't let the car get away with such a large scrape to our car. Besides...what are you doing as a parking ranger?"

Xanxus resisted the urge to snap his pen in half. It was the question he had been dreading. "Does it look like I want to do this shit-arse job out of my free will?"

"A-Ahaha...so you were forced, I see..."

The Mafia Boss opened his ticket notebook and began scribbling. "How much do you want it to be?"

"X-Xanxus-san...please fine them one thousand Euros," Chrome spoke up, "They deserve it."

_Only? These scums are sure too generous._

Or so he thought...

He hastily tore the ticket and placed it onto the car's windscreen. The yellow ticket stood out vibrantly against the dark shade of the car. The driver would be sure not to miss it. Xanxus walked away without a second word.

"Thank you, Xanxus," Tsuna said as he watched the Boss of Varia walk away. However, it was not the end.

There was much disagreement from one of his companions.

"Jyuudaime, one thousand dollars is not enough! Look what this car did. Look at the damage it has caused. Our Vongola Familiga limousine now bears a large, ugly scrape on its side – what a disgrace it is to us," Gokudera protested to his Boss.

Xanxus heard the protests as he walked down the row of cars, nearing the end. The sound of the Storm Guardian's voice continuous complaining was a pain, and Xanxus knew that he was not going to stop his whining unless something was done; unless he persuaded his Boss's decision. And then Xanxus would have to walk _all_ the way back to them and issue a greater fine.

No, he was not that bothered.

"I am not satisfied with such a petty fine. Something more needs to be done. Jyuudaime, please call Xanxus back and issue this pathetic car a-"

_**Bang.**_

...

...

...

"-a-a more appropriate fine..."

The once glossy, black BMW was now reduced to nothing but smithereens. Fragments of glass lay on the floor and a scent of burning plastic wafted into the air. The aim was perfect, as the cars near the BMW were untouched, as if nothing had happened.

Xanxus smirked as he pictured their bewildered expressions – their eyes widened in horror and their gaping mouths. He placed his gun back into the holster, which was attached to his belt.

"_Satisfied?"_

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: <strong>Xanxus

**OCCUPATION: **Parking ranger

**STATUS: FIRED.**

* * *

><p><span>Extra Segment:<span>

He hastily tore the ticket and placed it onto the car's windscreen. The yellow ticket stood out vibrantly against the dark shade of the car. The driver would be sure not to miss it.

Well of course, who would miss their car being blown to smithereens?

And about the parking ticket...

No-one gives a crap about that anymore.

* * *

><p>Please review, as I would love to know how you thought of it!<p>

A nice review button -you can't miss that!^^ (Wah! Though it's not Green...*sniffles*)

Thanks everyone! I shall try my best to update earlier next time.

-TUGB


	15. a Fruitpicker

Yeow!~ (A slight variation of 'Yo')

Once again, a suggestion from myself. I do hope that you will take pleasure in reading Chapter 15 (Goodness, it's Chapter 15 already?). I give my gratitude to all dear readers and reviewers^^ Thank you so much for your support.

And also, this chapter has not been beta-edited, so please tell me if I have made any errors:D

A Green apple to get you started~

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Fruit-picker<strong>

**ITALY**

_Thud._

The audible sound of a peach being placed roughly in a basket was heard, as Xanxus reluctantly continued to pick peaches off the tree. He placed another three into the basket and stepped down from the rickety ladder that was supporting his weight. As if right on cue, the manager came towards Xanxus gleefully.

"Ah, Xanxus! Very good, very good!" Mr Cozartoi cried, clapping his hands together in delight, "Now that you have finished the peaches, the pineapples are waiting for you patiently just around the corner."

Seeing his employee nod slowly, he continued.

"Here, please follow me, Xanxus! Oh and give the baskets of peaches to that man, and he will take them to the store-room ready for inspection. Now here we are…"

A long row of pineapple plants awaited the Mafia boss.

_Curse this_.

It was surely too damn hot and humid to work under the scorching sun. Xanxus did not want to wear a 'lame-looking' hat, and a pair of old sun-glasses, so sun-screen was the only option. However, the effects of the sun-screen had already worn off a few hours ago, and now he was left to simmer under the rays.

With the annoying bastard Mr Cozartoi gone, Xanxus sluggishly got to work.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>Pineapples weren't exactly the best fruit to pick when one was exceptionally irritated and frustrated, and especially not a day like this. The spikes on the outside of the fruit pissed Xanxus off more than the sun.<p>

"Freaking hell. Why pineapples of all the retarded fruits? That asshole…I'll get him for this," he growled, "He's just too damn lazy to pick the fruits on his own, that bastard."

_**Meanwhile…**_

"M-Mister Cozartoi, are you sure we should let M-Mister Xanxus pick all the fruits like that? I mean-"

"Shut it, Trevoli," the manager snarled menacingly. He slammed his cup down on the table and as a result, a crack started to form along one side of the ceramic. "It is unusual for us to get an employer like this…so just let the man do all of the hard labour."

Mr Cozartoi glared at his employee and added with a toothy grin, "Besides, it looks like he's enjoying it, so why not let him do all of it?"

And an evil cackle was heard throughout the warehouse, sending shivers down the spines of anyone nearby.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>Xanxus swore he just heard a mad flow of laughter in the direction of the warehouse.<p>

"Must be that old, stupid bastard…" he muttered with distaste, as he stepped back to examine his work. He stared hard at the bucket of pineapples to his right and frowned.

The Varia boss strode over to the third pineapple plant and positioned the bucket closer towards it. Then, Xanxus began prying the fruit off its branch hastily. He threw the fruit down into the large, black plastic bucket and heard a disturbing _squelching _sound.

Xanxus instantly stopped his work, scowled and got off the ladder to peer into the bucket impatiently. He took away a few pineapples from the bucket and placed them onto the rich soil below to see what was at the bottom of the bucket that had caused such a disturbing sound.

"What the hell was that…it sounded like some rotting old frui- SHIT!"

…

It was blueberries.

Squashed blueberries.

And what were blueberries doing at the bottom of the bucket? Well, let's go 'Back in Time' **[1]**.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Flash-back<strong>_

"_Ah Xanxus, here we are at the pineapple section of our lovely farm! Ok, I assume you know how to pluck those beautiful creatures off its plant, right?" questioned the manager beaming widely, "Would you like me to show you, Xanxus?"_

"_No."_

"_Right…do you want Mr. Trevoli here to help you?"_

"_No."_

_Xanxus absolutely did not want another annoying bastard working alongside him – he had enough of the stupid idiots back at Varia HQ already. _

_He already had enough of Squalo complaining about his recent hair loss, Bel's dilemma concerning a change in hair style, Lussuria forever considering growing out his hair (or Mohawk), Levi's a million alarm clocks, and Fran's option about getting voice box surgery._

_Life at headquarters was already hell, and Xanxus was adamant about not letting his job contribute to his"Life's Long List of Hell". _

"_Uhm, ok then…" replied Mr Cozartoi awkwardly, twiddling his thumbs, "Use this bucket to put the pineapples in."_

_Xanxus gazed at the big bucket before him and mentally sighed. The bucket was thrice the size of the straw-woven baskets he had before, and the colour black did not lighten his mood – with black being the colour that absorbed most of the sun's intense rays. The manager was at least smart enough to give Xanxus an orange coloured uniform to wear._

"_Ok, I shall explain this to you, Xanxus," Mr Cozartoi said, gesturing towards the bucket, "This magnificent bucket has many layers, hence its size. There are three layers, and I would like you to fill up each section with a different type of fruit. Just gather as many fruit as you can into one layer – that is all I will be expecting from you today, alright? I don't want any of my precious fruit damaged as well, ok?"_

_Xanxus just shrugged indifferently. _

_Mr Cozartoi smiled eerily and stalked off, and only Mr Trevoli remained._

_And just before he was about to leave, Mr Trevoli walked up to Xanxus and whispered:_

"_I'd be careful if I were you, sir…that bucket has a problem."_

_**End of Flash-back**_

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>A problem indeed.<p>

The Mafia Boss had not expected _blueberries_ to be at the bottom of the bucket. Actually, Xanxus did not know that the very first share of the bucket was already filled with fruit. He groaned exasperatedly and tipped the squashed blueberries out of the bucket.

It sure did make a mess on the floor.

But that was not the problem.

He did not think that the layer separating the pineapples from the blueberries would be broken so easily, and he also did not expect the bottom of the stupid bucket to be layered with…white cloth.

The white cloth was majority blue from the staining of the blueberries, and only a small portion of the cloth remained white.

"Shit," Xanxus hissed angrily and took out the cloth, glaring daggers at it. What the hell was he going to do with the cloth? Since the cloth was stained mostly blue, the manager would be sure to know that Xanxus had screwed up and all his blueberries were squashed.

Xanxus observed his surroundings carefully – the field he was in were full of pineapple plants, which lined both sides of the rocky cement, that was used to drive any vehicles through. The next field, Xanxus saw, contained strawberries, boysenberries and a variety of other berries. And the field to his left-

Wait, rewind.

_Berries?_

"Blueberries," Xanxus murmured softly and rose from his crouched position. An idea formed in his mind as he neared the berries field, and he instantly mentally face palmed. _Why didn't I think of this before, _he thought in aggravation. He scanned the fields for blueberries while striding down the rocky road of the berries field.

And alas, there were not any to be found.

And out of Xanxus's mouth came a string of vile utterances.

Nevertheless, Xanxus, being quite the cunning person, grabbed a few handfuls of boysenberries instead.

He quickly and silently set to work.

He positioned the stained cloth back at the bottom of the bucket and placed the boysenberries on top. Since the first layer of the bucket was broken so easily, Xanxus wasn't going to risk putting the pineapples on top of another layer, so he hastily snatched some strawberries from his left and threw them inside the bucket.

"This blasted thing better work…" he said, reaching out to seize more strawberries, "Strawberries are pretty light…so it should work somehow-"

_**Riiing, riiiinngg~**_

Xanxus was so concentrated on his work that it took him a while to comprehend the source of the sound. It was his mobile.

_Click._

"Xanxus! How are you doing? I'm going to walk over to the pineapple field right now, to see what you have done so far. Expect me there in about 1-2 minutes."

_**Click.**_

"Shit."

_1-2 minutes._

"The bastard is going to be here in about 1-2 minutes_,"_ Xanxus growled in disbelief. And the situation he was in…

Not good.

He picked up the bucket and raced back over to the pineapple field. He could already hear Mr Cozartoi chatting away to another man in a nearby field.

"Damn this…damn!"

He needed three fruits, and he only had two at the moment in the bucket. He stared at the pineapples on the ground and grimaced.

It was the only option.

Regardless of what might happen to the berries inside…

Xanxus swiftly tossed 5 pineapples into the bucket and immediately heard the disturbing _squelching_ sounds once again. He couldn't care less anymore.

_Why hadn't the stupid old man given me a job in a juice production factory…? It would certainly be much more entertaining,_ he thought sardonically.

He was in the middle of putting the lid of the bucket on, when the manager came. Just in time.

"Ah, Xanxus! Lovely! I can see that you are already finished and ready. Brilliant!" exclaimed Mr Cozartoi, "You are sure one of the best employers we have ever had."

Xanxus twitched and nodded slowly.

_If only he knew…if only he knew…_

* * *

><p>"X-Xanxus is surely a wonderful, hard-working man, wasn't he, manager?" questioned Mr Trevoli, smiling slightly and walked towards his manager with a warm cup of soup. "I guess the bucket was nice to him…" he added in a whisper.<p>

"Yes, very good, very good! Better than the rest of you _brats_ anyway," Mr Cozartoi replied, emphasising his last line dramatically. Mr Cozartoi turned to the bucket and began taking off the lid with his free hand, because he was holding onto his cup of soup with his other, "Now let's see what we have he-"

…

The cup in Mr Cozartoi's hands smashed onto the cold, concrete floor, with the warm soup slowly flowing and discolouring the concrete, greedily claiming as much territory on the concrete as it flowed.

"M-Mister Cozar-"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, XANXUS?" the manager screeched furiously, turning a shade of beet red.

And sure enough the bucket contained 5 pineapples floating on top of a purple-red substance – strawberry and boysenberry juice. A sweet scent filled the air as the bucket was tipped over in rage.

"WE ARE NOT A JUICE-MAKING FACTORY!"

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: Xanxus<strong>

**OCCUPATION: Fruit-picker**

**STATUS: FIRED.**

* * *

><p><strong>[1]<strong> 'Back in Time' is a new song by Pitbull, and since it is one of my all time favourites, I just had to include that! Ahahaha~

* * *

><p><span>Extra Segment:<span>

"_Just gather as many fruit as you can into one layer – that is all I will be expecting from you** today**, alright?"_

There was no tomorrow.

(Hehe, don't know if that extra segment was to anyone's liking, but at the time when I was writing the chapter, I really cracked up at the thought=D)

* * *

><p>Thank you so very much for reading. I shall give you a Green sushi as a token of my appreciation^^<p>

Hmm, this chapter is quite long...I must have been carried away, hehe^^

Please stay tuned for the next update!~ Please send me some feedback^^ (It's a shame the review button is not Green-.-)

-TUGB


	16. a Customs Officer

Yello, dear readers:D

Sorry about the late update -school has started, and now things are more hectic=.= Nonetheless, I sure hope you will take pleasure in reading this chapter!

The occupation was a suggestion from my brother^^ Haha. I'm also sorry about the late review replies. This chapter has not been beta-edited by Mockingjay Rose yet, so expect the edit changes to be made a little later. Thank you Mockingjay Rose for beta-editing this story for me, yeah~

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. **

Well then, here goes!

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Custom's officer<strong>

**OSAKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, JAPAN**

"Now, here is your uniform, Xanxus-kun," beamed an old man with an extremely long beard, as he handed him his uniform – a green vest with the words: "Customs Officer" printed at the back. Juugu-san, the manager, then added, "Oh, and make sure you wear that lovely green hat as well, haha!" And with that, he walked away chuckling.

Xanxus narrowed his eyes. A hat. Of all things…a _hat_. Xanxus hated wearing hats. When he was younger, he remembered the old man (the Ninth, not the airport guy) taking him to numerous hat stores against Xanxus's will, and laughed when he saw a hat that looked ridiculous on him. Since then, Xanxus had always had a growing hatred for hats.

"I still haven't paid him back, that scum," he muttered, putting on the green vest. He glared at the hat which had the same words as the vest imprinted on it, and strode out of the room, to enter the main area of the airport where he was supposed to be working.

Thus, leaving behind the hat.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>Due to continuous observation of the other custom officers at work, the Mafia boss soon got the gist of what he had to do.<p>

Firstly:

Glare at the travellers.

Secondly:

Intimidate them into confessing the storage of illegal goods.

Thirdly:

Glare at them again.

Fourthly:

Confiscate their goods.

Fifthly: 

Glare at them again.

Then:

Keep their goods.

Xanxus grimaced and straightened his vest. If he was to go through that tiring process for hours on end, then he would be ending up with a tonne of goods to keep. Or that was what he thought was happening… (the other custom officers weren't actually keeping the goods, but Xanxus thought otherwise).

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"Next," he called out coldly to the people queuing.

A frail, young woman anxiously approached Xanxus and held out her bag fearfully.

"I-I d-don't s-speak E-English," she whispered hoarsely in Japanese to him.

Xanxus ignored her, grabbed her bag, and placed it roughly onto a box that went onto a conveyor belt, and into an inspection machine. The machine was there to check if any illicit material was evident inside any backpacks and small carry bags, as opposed to the larger machines that detected luggage.

As the machine was detecting for any illicit material, Xanxus eyed the woman suspiciously. Her long hair was messy and coming out of her hastily-done bun, her clothing was dirty and one could see the patches of stitching sewn on to cover the holes, and her face looked tired and withdrawn, which therefore made her seem much older.

Yes, everything about her was suspicious.

_She's wringing her hands like as if she's a criminal herself_, observed Xanxus frowning, as he walked over to the machine to retrieve her bag. The woman immediately knew something was amiss and started trembling violently, eyes wide in terror at the idea of being questioned by someone who did not speak Japanese.

She immediately began to make frantic hand gestures, hoping that at least he would be able to understand her that way, "I-I… p-please s-sir! I-I h-have d-done n-nothing w-wro-"

"Just shut up and answer my bloody questions," Xanxus snapped impatiently in Japanese, much to the woman's surprise. He mentally face-palmed, _Does she honestly think I would be that stupid to work in Osaka International Airport, and not know how to speak Japanese?_ he thought with exasperation.

"What do you have inside your bag, scum?"

"I-I have…m-many things t-that are not i-illegal…" she stuttered, lowering her gaze and staring at the floor.

"Things such as?" prompted Xanxus, who was beginning to zip open the bag, much to the woman's horror, "Look trash, if you're not going to tell me what the hell's inside this bag, I'll look into it myself."

"N-No!" exclaimed the woman, with tears forming, "I-I h-have…u-uhm…I-I-"

Xanxus's impatience level was rapidly increasing. _Just what could be that bad for her to be crying, for hell's sake?_ He was just about to open his mouth to tell the woman that he was going to zip it open, when the woman cried out:

**"I-I H-HAVE R-ROLLS AND R-ROLLS OF T-T-TOILET P-PAPER INSIDE, S-SIR!"**

"…"

"…"

Xanxus instantly faced her, with an eyebrow raised quizzically.

"What?"

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep<strong>_

Xanxus sighed and snatched the man's large travel-bag from the box on the conveyor belt. He then placed the bag in front of man and questioned him half-heartedly:

"What's inside, trash?"

"Is that how you're supposed to be treating customers, officer?" asked the man, who was taken-aback by the Varia boss's attitude.

"Answer the question," glared Xanxus, zipping open the bag.

"W-Well why should I?" countered the man defensively, "I have nothing illegal in that bag, so go through it all you want!"

Xanxus ignored him and commenced his search for something illegal in the man's travel bag. A deck of playing cards…a note-book…papers…a folder…a pencil-case…

He scowled. Nothing illegal was inside so far.

The man, seeing Xanxus's expression, scoffed, "Ha! Told you so, officer! I can prove it, can't I? Ha! So much for an officer!"

Xanxus growled and glowered dangerously at the jeering man, "Shut the hell up, asshole. Just you wait until I find something, you pathetic scum."

The man immediately grew quiet; however a smug grin was still plastered on his face. _I must prove that bastard wrong…that dumbass…_ Xanxus mentally hissed, his mind focussed on finding any material that could prove the man erroneous.

_Wait…what's this?_

He felt a plastic bag containing a soft material, a terrible stench soon followed when Xanxus pulled the plastic bag out of the travel bag. Its stench was so over-powering that Xanxus found it difficult to suppress the urge to gag.

"And may I ask what the shit's this, trash?" Xanxus smirked bitterly, holding the plastic bag in front of the man's face.

The man suddenly turned a deep shade of red and held his nose, whilst stepping a few steps away from the bag. "I-I…t-that i-is…"

"Well?" _Hurry up, scumbag!_ _I can't handle this for much longer, stupid trash. Who told you to place such a disgusting-smelling thing into the plastic bag in the first place, idiot?_

"I-It's…"

"Hurry up and spill it, retard!" Xanxus barked, turning a light shade of green. Yes, the smell was just _that_ bad…

**"IT'S MY UNDERWEAR FROM A MONTH AGO WHEN I WAS TRAVELLING IN FRANCE! I-I ACCIDENTLY P-POOED IN IT AND I FORGOT TO WASH IT, SO I JUST PLACED IT INTO MY TRAVEL BAG FOR A MONTH AND F-FORGOT ABOUT IT, S-SIR!"**

Xanxus widened his eyes in repulsion and dropped the plastic bag back into the man travel bag. Afterwards, he rushed to the men's toilet, with the man close behind.

And judging from the situation...no, he definitely did not want to keep this man's 'goods'.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>IN THE MANAGER'S OFFICE…<strong>

"I am awfully impressed with your work today, Xanxus-kun!" praised Juugu-san good-naturedly, "Here is your report for the day, and I am happy to say that you have passed with flying colours!"

Xanxus stared at his report dumbfounded. He had finally gotten a job. _Finally_. After 15 other job attempts. However…after what had just happened with the man and his underwear…he had to reconsider. _After what had happened…_ he thought, covering his mouth with his hand. He was brought back to reality by Juugu-san's loud voice praising him once again.

"And henceforth, Xanxus-kun," he began excitedly, "You have been offered a placement here at the Osaka International Airport! I hope you will accept and I will see you tomorr-"

"I'm not coming anymore," mumbled Xanxus, rising from his seat.

Juugu-san's expression was priceless – a mixture of loss and desolation. "W-Why, Xanxus-kun? You are such a fantastic customs officer! Did something bad happen today? What is it? Tell me, Xanxus-kun!"

_Who the hell gave you the right to call me 'Xanxus-kun'? _he thought, before answering the manager's questions.

"I don't think you need to know," he said, striding towards the door and throwing his uniform onto a nearby chair. Juugu-san was still seated, speechless at having lost such a wonderful employee.

Then, Xanxus turned his head and added with a slight smirk, "It will be too hard on you…psychologically, trash."

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: Xanxus<strong>

**OCCUPATION: Customs Officer**

**STATUS: SUCCESS, BUT WALKED OUT OF THE JOB BY HIS OWN FREE WILL DUE TO…_PROBLEMS_.**

* * *

><p>Yay! That was fun to write~ Xanxus finally got an offer...but...<p>

Please keep the suggestions rolling in, and don't forget to leave some feedback, hehe^^

A Green Flower for reading, haha:D

Oh yes, and a poll to end it!

* * *

><p><strong><span>POLL<span>:**** Which chapter/job occupation so far throughout this Fanfiction did you enjoy the most and why? **

** Please leave your answer in your review!~**

* * *

><p>Thank you to everyone who reviewed and gave me suggestions in the previous chapters -I am extremely grateful to all of you:D<p>

-TUGB


	17. a Hotel receptionist

YO.

Here's Chapter 17, folks~ Enjoy, yeah^^ Ah, it's great to be updating again!

This is a suggestion from: Soul of The World. I know you suggested a 'Hotel manager', but I hope this is close enough^^ And as for the suggestion 'Customer Service Representative', suggested by Black Firelight, does this count...?^^"

Thank you dear readers for answering my poll!:D:D The feedback was greatly appreciated. Also, this chapter has not been beta-edited yet, ehehe.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, as well as the book cover for this Fanfiction. All rights go to Akira Amano. **

**A/N: All Reborn characters are TYL. Also, 'The Green Village' does not exist. Well...I wish it did! **

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Hotel receptionist<strong>

"Room number 137, trash."

"T-Thank you!" stuttered a nervous customer before scurrying off towards the lifts in a desperate manner. Xanxus scoffed, before he sat back down on his plush armchair, faced the computer in front of him, and began clicking the mouse at random.

Although he hated to admit it to the old man, Xanxus liked the environment he was working in. The hotel, 'The Green Village', was one of the most prominent and grand hotels in Kyoto, and Xanxus enjoyed the high-class atmosphere. Translucent cream-coloured marble lined with gold covered the lobby floor, and decorative ornaments depicting dragons lined the walls, with their colours gleaming under the bright, exquisite chandeliers that hung from the ceiling.

In the centre of the lobby there was a large, breath-taking fountain with a delicate stream of water shooting out of a green and red coloured dragon's mouth. There were 37 levels in the extravagant hotel, all of which were decorated majestically.

Just as Xanxus was about to adjust his name tag, a woman walked up to the reception.

"Yes?" he asked impatiently, drumming his fingers against the desk.

The woman seemed taken aback by his attitude and flinched, but regained her composure. "I-I would like to know where the t-toilet is…" she said softly, a blush slowly creeping onto her face.

Xanxus eyed her before handing her a map of the lobby. "It's…there," he replied as he stood up, and pointed to the 'restroom' sign on the map.

The woman instantly looked distressed. "W-Where's…there?"

"It's just…_there_, trash. There is just there."

"W-What…? W-What direction then, sir?"

"_There_," he answered hastily, pointing to his right, "Can't you read a damn map, woman?"

"T-Thank you!" cried the woman, and hurried off in the direction Xanxus pointed, with a look of relief.

"Tch…what a pain…" he muttered as he sat back down, slouched in his chair. As he was about to close his eyes, one of the staff members, Takasuujii, walked up to him and grinned.

"Oi Xanxus, what's with the map?" he asked good-naturedly, peering at the lobby map which was still on the counter, "Didn't the woman take it?"

"It doesn't matter, scum…it's just a bloody map," Xanxus said coldly, resting in head on the back of his hand, "She just needed the toilet."

"Hmm…Xanxus…did you move the map at all after you told her the directions?" Takasuujii questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"What about it?"

"The map's upside down."

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Riiingg riinngg, riingg riinn-<strong>_

"Yes?" Xanxus growled, irritated that the call had disrupted his sleep. (And one may wonder what the hell he's been doing behind the front desk…besides napping).

"May I please have 13 rolls of toilet paper for room 113?"

"13 rolls?" questioned Xanxus amused, whilst playing with the telephone cord, "Why the hell would you need 13? Did a hell of a shit, did you trash?"

"W-What…n-no, I-I-"

"No explanation needed, scum," he hissed, "I'll only give you _one_ roll, because I feel like it, and also because your freaking call disrupted my nap. Furthermore, we sell diarrhoea and bloating tablets at the hotel chemist – a pack of 12 for 1313 yen. _Happy shitting._"

_Slam._

The Varia boss glowered at the damaged telephone that he had slammed down into the receiver.

_Stupid ass machine…_

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"Give me the room card," Xanxus snapped before stepping into the lift and pressing level 9. The young English boy gave him his room key obediently, and then shouted in glee as he saw the town of Kyoto through the lift's large window.

_Level 9_

"Hurry up."

"A-Ah yes, mister!"

Xanxus stared at the room card indifferently as they strode towards room 913. _The key seems normal enough…_he thought, turning the plastic card over, but the boy claimed that his door could not be opened no matter how many times he had tried.

"It better not be a waste of my time…" he muttered, as they stopped in front of the boy's room.

The Mafia boss inserted the plastic card into the door slot and waited for it to turn green. Instead, it turned red after 30 seconds, which was unusual as it generally took around 3 seconds for the card to process. Xanxus growled under his breath and flipped the card over and inserted it into the slot.

_Red._

He wiped both sides of the card on his coffee-coloured sweater and inserted it once again.

_Red._

He inserted the card slowly into the slot, as opposed to his usual impatient attempts.

_Red._

He wrestled with the door knob, hoping that the door was somehow incorrectly closed and inserted the card once again.

_Red._

He inserted the card with such force that the top of the card became crippled as a result.

_Red. _

He snapped the card in half with frustration and inserted both of the halves one after another.

_Red._

"…"

"…"

"Stupid piece of useless shit!" he roared, crushing the card in his hands. He then grabbed his X-Gun from his holster that was hidden under his sweater and pointed it at the door.

"Rot in hell, scum."

**BANG.**

"M-Mister! W-What are you doing to my room?!" cried the boy fearfully, "T-The door i-is-"

"What are you talking about," Xanxus hissed, pocketing his X-Gun. He then turned back to the boy and smirked.

"I just opened your door, brat."

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"Having a tough day, Xanxus?" asked Takasuuji, who turned to face him after serving a customer, "You seem worn out."<p>

"Shut up, trash," he replied icily, and reached out for a glass of water. Even though he had admitted that he had enjoyed the environment more than his previous occupations, he was fed up with the constant dealing with customers. _Those useless scums…they don't even know anything…_

"Excuse me…"

Xanxus immediately snapped out of his thoughts. _This voice…what the hell…_

As he rose from his seat, his whole body burned with anger. Angry that he was stuck at the hotel for the whole day; angry that he had to deal with useless customers; and angry that he had to deal with _this_ particular customer.

"Oya oya, if it isn't Xanxus," Rokudo Mukuro greeted, his expression amused, "So I guess you landed a job here, kufufufu."

"What the hell do you want, shit-face?" Xanxus hissed.

"Ah, no need to get so angry, Xanxus. I'm only here because Tsunayoshi told me to ask the receptionist to carry our luggage to our rooms."

"What of it, scum?" _What the hell are you trashes doing here of all the bloody hotels in Kyoto?!_

"Kufufufu, aren't you going to carry them, Xanxus?"

"Over my dead body," Xanxus sneered and walked out from behind the front desk of the hotel, and towards the exit of 'The Green Village', "Carry the shit by yourself, trash."

"Oya…"

"_I'm quitting."_

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: Xanxus<strong>

**OCCUPATION: Hotel receptionist**

**STATUS: RESIGNED.**

* * *

><p>HeeheeXD A change of status, hmm^^<p>

Please do leave a review!

How do you like the book cover for this Fanfiction?:D:D Yay!

MAY THE ULTIMATE GREEN FORCE BE WITH YOU~

-TUGB


	18. a Security and Bodyguard

HeeheeXD Chapter 18 awaits you, dear readers, heehee~ I give my thanks to all lovely readers and reviewers -your support has been amazing C:

Well then, a suggestion from: silent-insaneminako (for bodyguard). The suggestion of a security guard was from myself^^

Heehee, please enjoy, dear readers, and also please do me a favour and answer the poll at the end in your reviews for the next chapter~

A Green scone awaits you~

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Security and body guard<strong>

**A/N: Just imagine a large shopping centre that you have been to^^**

"Thanks," a teenage murmured shyly after Xanxus checked her purse briefly, before she exited the clothes store. Seeing that no one else was exiting in the next few minutes, he strode over to the opposite store to see how things were going there.

As he walked past people, he couldn't help but notice how awkward the customers were when he met their curious gazes. One customer, who had eye-contact with Xanxus, opened and closed his mouth like a fish, as if attempting to say something to the latter, while another creepily flushed bright red and scurried off towards her friends.

"Che…trashes…" he muttered disinterestedly, as he stopped in front of a large jewellery store. The store was filled with countless necklaces, bracelets and so forth, hence radiating an extremely posh and lavish atmosphere in comparison with some other stores. As he strolled into the store, with a menacing glare at the customers, he caught a man slip a pair of earrings into his backpack from a rack.

Afterwards, the brunet scanned his surrounds nervously, before casually swinging his backpack over his right shoulder, and having a spontaneous conversation with one of the staff members. After a false, hearty talk, the brunet headed towards the entrance, with a victorious laugh.

Xanxus smirked and waited at the entrance for the man to pass through. He was going to crush that triumphant grin.

_Interrogation time. _

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"Stop right there, trash."<p>

The man slowly turned around to face a pair of crimson orbs staring right back at him eerily. The man gulped, but quickly regained his composure. "What?" he snapped impatiently, "I have a damn train to catch."

"What's in that backpack, scum?"

The man stared at him confused, whilst shifting the position of the backpack on his shoulder. "And what the shit do you want with my backpack, you asshole?!"

"No need to get so flustered, pathetic trash," Xanxus snarled, "Empty your fucking bag, bastard."

"And why should I?"

"Don't you want to live to see tomorrow, dumbass? Or shall I have the mafia hunt you down like wolves, trash?" he hissed coolly, and smirked bitterly once he saw the man flinch. But that didn't last long.

"H-Haha, m-mafia?! You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" the man laughed incredulously, "Mafia? How stupid can you get, old ma-"

_Click._

"Come again, bastard?" he growled, gripping his X-gun from his belt, and took a few steps closer to the man. "Do you really want to die that freaking much huh, dumbass? I will have my men hunt you down from the earth and back, and then I will personally make you take back those very words."

The intensity of his glare and the dangerousness of his voice scared the man profoundly. Xanxus's words were hollow, cruel and cold, and the man knew that he was not bluffing. The man took a few shaky steps backwards, and beads of cold swear formed on his forehead. He was pretty much done fore. He was sure up against one hell of a security guard.

"I-I…y-yes…you may turn me in now…t-the earrings were going to be for my…d-dying s-sister…" the man stammered in defeat, whilst taking the stolen earrings from his backpack slowly. "S-She…s-she doesn't have much longer to l-live I'm afraid." Tears started to form in the brunet's eyes, as he placed his hand over his chest, as if clutching his despairing heart.

"I-I only wanted to take these to her as my last gift – we can't afford something like this. A-And…I knew for a very long time…t-that she has always wanted…emerald green earrings – which were the colour of our mother's eyes."

Xanxus crossed his arms over his chest, and stepped back to lean against the wall, with a quizzical expression crossing his features. He glowered at the brunet mercilessly before rubbing his temples and sighing heavily in exasperation. _This is shitty bastard…_he mentally hissed. Xanxus pushed himself off from the wall, and in a swift motion, he swiped his X-gun once again from his hoister, and pointed it at the man in an intimidating manner.

_**Bang.**_

Rubble from the floor of the shopping centre flew into the air at impact, and dust suffocated nearby customers. When the dust had cleared, there was a large hole in front of the trembling brunet, revealing that Xanxus's shot had narrowly missed him. Bystanders looked on fearfully at the aftermath, with some amazed that the man had survived such a blast.

"W-What on earth happened h-here?"

"I heard that a man shot him!"

"H-Hurry sweetheart, d-don't look!"

"Wow…awesome…"

The man clutched his bag tightly, and tears formed at the rim of his eyes. He looked around wildly, but the security guard was nowhere to be seen. There, inside his backpack sat the shining, clear emerald earrings.

…

_**Bang.**_

"_You are a disgrace…to steal something like that. Hurry up and get the shit out of here, you useless piece of trash."_

The man closed his eyes and silently thanked the security guard from the bottom of his heart.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"So please, while you're there, escort Tsunayoshi's friends, Xanxus," the Ninth spoke politely into the phone, "They will arrive any minute now. Well then, bye, and make sure they are not harmed in any way, as I have heard rumours that there have been multiple kidnappings of teenagers in that centre."<p>

"What, you trashy old-"

"Oh, and I know that your job is to be a security guard, but you will take the job of a bodyguard as well, Xanxus."

_Click._

_**Crush.**_

Fragments of Xanxus's mobile fell to the floor through his fist, and an ominous aura surrounded the latter.

"Heh, don't you screw with me…that scum's friends?! I don't give a shit about them!" he roared, blasting his X-gun at a nearby candy store. The customers screamed in fear and dashed outside, huddled together.

**-XXXX-**

"Are you our bodyguard that someone told us about?"

"Hahi! Scary, desu!~"

Xanxus turned around to find two teenage girls staring at him patiently. He twitched, and his breath came out in a hiss. _Are you fucking serious?_

"U-Um…a man told us to introduce ourselves," a girl with caramel-coloured, short hair smiled courteously, "My name is Sasagawa Kyoko."

"My name is Miura Haru, desu!" the other girl with dark purple hair, which was tied up in a pony-tail, grinned.

"Thank you for being our bodyguard today!" they both cried in unison.

"And I think we've seen you somewhere before…" Haru pondered, scratching her head in thought, "You seem famil-"

Xanxus cut her off, and quickly snapped, "Well I haven't seen you trashes around at all. It must have been another bloody person. Don't get it mixed up, scums." And with that, he faced the other way and exhaled deeply, his fists clenched in irritation.

This was the worst job ever.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"Um, bodyguard-san…is this place really dangerous or something?" Haru asked worriedly, as they stepped out of the lifts to level 3 of the shopping centre.

"I don't know, scum," Xanxus replied disinterestedly, "I haven't been here for long."

Haru nodded, and then dragged her friend towards a clothes store excitedly. "Kyoko-chan, look! Aren't those dresses cute, desu?" Kyoko nodded in agreement, and the two strolled inside the store. The Varia boss leaned against the glass window of the store, placed his hands in his trouser pockets, and gave passer-bys a threatening glower.

"Wow, Haru-chan, that dress looks amazing on you," complimented Kyoko, staring at her friend, "You should try scarlet as well – the colour should suit you well." Haru giggled and from what Xanxus could hear from outside, it seemed like the purple-haired girl went back into the change rooms.

"Just why do I have to do this shitty thing," he muttered angrily, "Listening to girls' chit chat and whatnot is a freaking waste of my time, bloody hell." After another 20 minutes, the girls emerged with a few bags of clothing, whilst chatting blissfully.

"Bodyguard-san, we will be going to that large toy store over there now," Kyoko said. Xanxus nodded, and the girls skipped towards the store, but waited at the entrance until he caught up with them. He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Bodyguard-san, are you waiting for us at the entrance?" Haru asked. After an apathetic nod from Xanxus, she continued, "Can you please look after our shopping bags, desu?"

"We'll try to be quick!" Kyoko added.

"I don't give a shit, just get lost," Xanxus responded coldly, sending them a glare off. The girls cheered and rushed inside enthusiastically, after biding him a 'thank you'. "Stupid…" he murmured, leaning against the wall, "Who thanks someone after they tell you to get lost…idiots."

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>The security alarms suddenly sounded in the large shopping centre.<p>

**_ALERT ALERT!_**

**_A NOTORIOUS KIDNAPPER HAS BEEN SIGHTED IN THE SHOPPING CENTRE. WE HAVE ALREADY SENT FOR THE POLICE, AND THE CENTRE GUARDS ARE ON PATROL. _**

**_PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOUR CHILDREN AND BE ON ALERT. _**

**_WE WILL CATCH THE KIDNAPPER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AND TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY._**

**_THANK YOU._**

"Shit, another problem," Xanxus cursed. Some people were seen leaving the stores and presumably exiting the shopping centre, and everywhere he looked, there was a bustle. He took a few steps into the toy store. The girls were gone for almost an hour.

"This just makes my day-"

"Bodyguard-san! BODYGUARD-SAN! HELP, DESU!" shrieked Haru from within the store.

"D-DOLL SECTION, AAHH!" cried Kyoko, before there was silence.

"Trashes…" he hissed, before grabbing their shopping bags and running into the store, his X-gun at the ready.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>As he neared the doll section of the toy store, customers were seen rushing towards the exit in distress. He quickened his pace, and heard the desperate cries once more in the next lane to his left. Upon reaching the lane where the screams were heard last, he fired his gun.<p>

**BANG.**

**BANG.**

"Hmmm, so the prince has arrived, eh?" a throaty voice called out from behind the smoke. When the smoke cleared, he could see a black haired man with Haru in a headlock, and Kyoko tied up and gagged on the floor beside the man. Xanxus narrowed his eyes. It wasn't in his nature to rescue girls during their shopping trip, especially since he was from the Mafia – this type of thing was degrading.

"B-Bodyguard-san…desu…"

"Well well, let's see, Prince," the man began, grinning evilly, whilst picking up Kyoko with his other arm and getting ready to leave, "Let's have a ransom, shall we? You pay me 131313137 yen, and both the girls will be freed. The deadline is tomorrow at midnight. You will meet me outside the post office that is just around the corner of the shopping centre, with the money, and I expect it to be-"

**BANG.**

"E-Ergh…y-you…a-argh-"

"Well continue, you son of a bitch," Xanxus smirked bitterly at the heavily battered kidnapper on the ground, whilst stepping on his face ruthlessly. There was a large crater beneath the man due to the force of his blast. "You can pay for the girls' injuries using your life insurance, can you not, you filthy piece of trash."

"N-No…L-Let me go! Y-You-"

**BANG.**

_Silence._

"B-Bodyguard-san…?" Kyoko questioned shakily, helping her friend up.

"Hurry up, the police are coming," Xanxus said hastily, pocketing his gun, "We're getting out of here, trashes."

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>AT THE SCENE OF THE KIDNAPPING 5 MINUTES LATER<strong>

"A-A crater?!" one of the policeman cried out, "What the hell? How can this happen?"

"Most importantly, where are the 2 girls that a witness spoke of?" a woman asked seriously, taking one last glance at the kidnapper who was being lifted onto a stretcher.

"T-This must be the work of…of…a demon!" the owner of the store yelled hysterically, waving his arms, "M-My store…it's trashed!"

"Shut up, stop speaking nonsense," the woman snapped impatiently, "Demons don't exist. Please leave if you won't be any help to us."

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>SAWADA RESIDENCE<strong>

"Hieee?! W-What happened to you, Kyoko-chan, Haru-san?!" The girls walked into Tsuna's house smiling awkwardly, with a few bruises and scratches, and their clothing were covered in dust and dirtied. Their hair was messy, but regardless, they were still clutching their shopping bags cheerfully.

"W-Well…it's a long story, but we're safe nonetheless!" beamed Kyoko happily.

Haru nodded in agreement, "The day was very exciting, desu!"

And as they launched into their detailed account of what had happened a few hours ago, the brunet passed out in shock.

"_We thought the bodyguard seemed a little familiar, desu! He had some scars across his face, and he was always wearing a frown."_

"_Yes, his eyes were crimson, and he carried a gun with him."_

"Hmm, interesting," Reborn said, "Did he have any catchphrases?"

"Hahi, yes! If I remember correctly…it was _trash_ or _scum_ or something desu…"

No doubt.

It was _him_.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>Name: Xanxus<strong>

**Occupation: Security and bodyguard **

**Status:** **FLED.**

* * *

><p>How'd yah like it?<p>

Thank yah very much, hehe~ And here's the poll!

* * *

><p><strong>POLL: <strong>**Should Xanxus be a Yum cha waiter, or just a normal waiter in a cafe for the next chapter?**

* * *

><p>Ok, so I've had people asking what a Yumcha is, so I'll explain, or you can search it up on Google. Handy isn't it? Anyway, a Yum cha is a traditional Chinese style morning or afternoon tea, which involves drinking Chinese tea and eating dim sum dishes [Taken from Wikipedia]. And things get quite hectic in a Yum cha, since it's so crowded and sometimes in a Yum cha, they push trolleys instead of people serving them -which can be interesting, hehe. Search some images up in Google -it might help^^<p>

So there yah go~

Every vote counts, so please vote, so I know what to do for the next chapter, hehe^^ I've been wondering which one to do for a while, so I was like: "Why not ask the readers?!" Heehee~ I'll see how things go, and I _might_ put the poll on my profile. Maybe...

Thank you:D

MAY THE ULTIMATE GREEN FORCE BE WITH YOU~

-TUGB


	19. a Yumcha waiter

YOW everyone! I'm terribly sorry about not updating for so long – I had my yearlies 3 weeks ago and then I was just so caught up in everything else. However, I did get round to completing this, and it was extremely fun to write:D I hope you guys will take pleasure in reading it.

I'll be back on Fanfiction from now on, so this story will be officially lifted from hiatus!

Ok, I originally got the suggestion of a waiter from: Tnah, and NekoMF (I'm sorry, there's a full-stop between 'Neko' and 'MF' in the pen name, but for some reason, Doc Manager won't let me type that! I'm so terribly sorry! This is the best that I can do!)

Green waffles, anyone?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What you are about to read does happen in some real, real, extremely busy of the busiest restaurants in China, however most restaurants are more civil and calm than this, haha. I have exaggerated the conditions and atmosphere of this Yumcha restaurant quite a bit, so don't go thinking that all Chinese restaurants are like this. Really. I just couldn't resist exaggerating it, since Xanxus was working there and all^^ And for your information, Yumcha food are real, real yummyC:**

**Also, in this chapter, let's just say that the Arcobalenos' curse has been lifted:D**

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Yumcha waiter<strong>

**BEIJING, CHINA**

The Varia boss adjusted his waiter's uniform hastily – which consisted of black tailored pants and shoes, a crisp white, long-sleeved shirt, a scarlet tie, and a black waiter's vest. It was 10 minutes till opening time, and he was still filled with mixed emotions.

He cursed whilst struggling with the cuff of his shirt, and glared at the cuff once it was finally buttoned. The Mafia boss proceeded to lean against the staff lockers, before letting out an exasperated sigh.

He didn't know what to feel for this new job.

Usually, he didn't give a damn – it was just a bloody job; that was all.

However, this time, he couldn't help but feel…a little anxious. As the thought passed his mind, he brought his hands to his temples and laughed disbelievingly. _Anxious? Nervous?_ No, that wasn't like him at all.

"Pathetic…" he spat in distaste, pushing himself off the lockers. He then tried to reason with himself.

He had been to China quite a few times before, and had often visited Beijing during his trips, as instructed by Vongola Nono. He did know the Chinese language, and wasn't too bad at it either – the Varia had to know a variety of languages, because they made frequent travels across the globe as part of their job as assassins. He actually quite liked Chinese cuisine, with the variety of dim sim **[1]**, and some of their wine was top-class. The Varia boss made a quick mental note to purchase 'a few' bottles of wine during his stay in Beijing, before he came to the reason of his _nervousness._

He had never liked the bustling, and crowded atmosphere of a Chinese yumcha. Actually, he couldn't _stand it._ And this was made worse for him, because the restaurant he was at, was Beijing's busiest and most popular restaurant – named the Red Phoenix Ablaze – meaning, it would be at least thrice as lively.

The ones Xanxus had gone to in China were especially for meetings or private sessions where everything was somewhat civil, and the numbers in the room would be nothing compared to what he was about to face. As stated by the head chef of the Red Phoenix Ablaze, everyone would be loud and demanding, as countless of people flood through the doors every day.

Xanxus groaned as he tried to visualise the setting of the restaurant. In his imagination, the customers were all like flies fighting for a part of a carcass, or sloppy eaters, or heavy drinkers, or- **[A/N: This is just Xanxus's extremely exaggerated visualisation]**

"Xanxus, it's time, hurry!" one of the employees yelled from the door, "Customers will be flooding in any minute now!"

The Varia Boss sighed deeply, and proceeded towards the door, and out into the battlefield.

Now, everything would be the exact opposite from what he had experienced in a yumcha during private conference meetings with allied Famiglia, and possibly even worse than the raucous at Headquarters.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"BBQ Pork buns! Who wants BBQ Pork buns?!"<p>

"Fried noodles, and Chinese porridge on this trolley!"

"I would like a custard bun."

"Fried rice!"

"Mummy, I want mango pudding!"

"Madam, your dim sum. Please enjoy."

"I would like a tea refill please."

Only 30 minutes had elapsed, and the yumcha restaurant was already lively with customers.

Xanxus twitched as a rude customer angrily gestured to him to come quicker with his trolley, which consisted of a variety of sweet dim sum. The man was a short, stout middle-aged man, whose face was all red due to the numerous empty bottles of liquor on his table, and his companions were no better. They were all jeering at nearby tables and waiters/waitresses, before Xanxus had arrived, and now, they were trying to give the latter a hard time.

"Che, gemme your- hiccup- your best sweet dim sum- hiccup- you buffalo," the man roared, before he and his friends all burst into violent laughter. Xanxus narrowed his eyes dangerously.

_Him? A buffalo?_ he thought furiously, clenching his fists. He then faced the customers, with his crimson orbs flashing in fury. _Oh, these trashes were going to get it…big time. _

As the man and his friends continued hurling insults at Xanxus and customers nearby, Xanxus bent down in front of his trolley and gripped a plate of dim sum firmly, before rising to face the man with a sadistic grin.

"Well? Where –hiccup- is the damned –hiccup- food, you stinkin' pi-"

_**Smash.**_

The sound of a cracking plate was heard as the Mafia boss smashed a platter of green tea and red bean paste dim sum onto the man's face ruthlessly. Besides the cracking of the plate, the squelching sound of the paste being pressed onto his face was also audible. The other occupants of the table looked on horrified when Xanxus released his grip from the broken plate and growled.

"Know your place…_you son of a bitches._"

And with that, he rolled his trolley away to the next table.

"S-Someone! This man…" began one of the man's friends, but he was quickly drowned out by the loud chatter of the restaurant. And due to the hectic atmosphere of the place, no-one had noticed the commotion that had occurred either.

Xanxus smirked in triumph.

_This was definitely to his advantage._

**-XXXX-**

At 11 o'clock, the atmosphere of the Phoenix Ablaze was even worse. The reek of sweat, the aroma of freshly cooked cuisines, and the overpowering fragrance of strong liquor consumed the atmosphere. Even Xanxus found it hard to keep up with all the hungry customers.

"Xanxus, a 30 minute break for you!" cried one of the employees nearby. The Varia boss nodded drudgingly, before passing his trolley full of sweet dim sum to another waiter. Afterwards, he strolled out to the balcony, which was located at the back of the restaurant to get some fresh air and to flex his muscles.

"Bloody hell…it's even worse than the happenings at Headquarters," he muttered, exhaling deeply. There was a strong breeze, and the atmosphere outside was definitely much more refreshing than inside. Xanxus ran a hand through his sleek, black hair in exasperation, before shivering at the thought of going back inside. But overall, it wasn't as bad as he expected it would be.

A large portion of the customers he had served were polite and respectful, and didn't make a huge mess of their food – unlike those bastards in the beginning. Just when he was about to get up and head back inside reluctantly, a small child entered the balcony.

Xanxus raised an eyebrow perplexedly. _Why the hell is a small kid like him here in the balcony? _he thought in annoyance, _Didn't any of the staff scums see him as he was walking towards the back door?_ Since Xanxus already had the customers to deal with, he just wasn't in the mood to handle…a child.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped, irritation evident in his tone.

The small boy flinched and cowered in fear, before stammering, "I-I…I'm lost, mister!" He then added in a hurry, "Where is my mummy and daddy, mister? I'm lost!"

"Well I can see that you're lost trash," Xanxus growled as he glared at the boy, and when he saw that the boy was about to cry, he softened his glare and sighed. _Just what a day I am having today…_

The Mafia boss strode past the boy and beckoned to him to follow him into the busy restaurant.

**-XXXX-**

"Ching, did any trashes come looking for a small boy?"

"Eh? A small boy? Hmm…show me his face," the young Chinese man instructed, whilst he typed on his keyboard, "Ah, I see him…hmmm, let me see…Ah here! Yes, around 20 minutes ago a couple came up to this reception desk looking for the boy – they even gave me a photo."

"M-Mummy and Daddy?"

"Yes yes lil' 'un," Ching smiled reassuringly, "I'm sure they'll come for you –we'll put an announcement over the speakers now…Actually, Xanxus, you go do that –I've got to answer a voicemail now."

Xanxus groaned and gestured for the boy to follow him into the back of the reception counter. After taking the large microphone speaker and holding it near his mouth, he spoke indifferently, "We've got a small boy at the reception – take him _now_, trashes."

"Hmm, clear and concise…I like that," grinned Ching after turning to Xanxus. A few minutes later, the Chinese man noticed the anxious couple rushing towards the reception, and spoke to the small boy. "Your mummy and daddy are here now little one, go on."

Xanxus rubbed his temples as the boy was reunited with his parents. _This is finally over,_ he thought in slight relief. It was then that the boy's parents walked towards him and thanked him with happiness from looking after their son.

"Thank you, Mister!" cried the small boy in glee, whilst in his mother's arms.

Xanxus exhaled deeply once again, and waved them away.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

There were only 2 more hours till closing, and the restaurant was still as lively as ever. Xanxus was assigned to clean the table for the next round of people in the VIP room, as well as be their waiter for the duration of their stay. When he walked outside to gather more tea cups for the table, he couldn't help but notice the number of customers still flooding in

"Screw this shit…is this ever going to end, dammit?" he cursed, as he strode back in the room and placed disinfected tea cups onto the cream white, crisp table cloth.

"Xanxus, here are some more plates," spoke a young girl at the door. Xanxus nodded emotionlessly and took the plates off her, before he examined them and smirked. If only he had his X-guns…he could have blasted these damned plates with the satisfactory pull of a trigger.

Just when he had finished placing the last plate on the table, the door opened and a female receptionist's voice sounded in the room.

"Here is your room, sir. If you need anything, please tell the waiter. Well then, enjoy yourself."

"Thank you, we will," replied the customer politely, followed by excited giggles from the children near the entrance.

_That voice was just all too familiar. _

"Hmm, who do we have here?" the Chinese man said, pulling out a chair, "The Ninth did tell me that you were working here, but I didn't expect you to be our waiter, Xanxus. What good timing."

Xanxus looked up from what he was doing, and his eyes met the man's black ones in surprise and fury.

Fong only stared back with an amused smile.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

Xanxus took a few seconds to regain his composure. He hardened his gaze and growled coldly, "What the shit are you doing here?" Unconditional wrath consumed his physique, which led him to crush a tea-cup in rage – he had already enough of the customers at the sweat-reeked restaurant outside, he had already enough serving dim sum in such a crowded atmosphere, and now…_this._

"Please don't use colourful language in front of the children, Xanxus," Fong replied calmly, whilst skilfully pouring tea into Fuuta's, I-Pin's and Lambo's tea cups. The Chinese man then turned to the children and smiled gently, "Tell the man what you would you like to eat."

Xanxus's breath came out in a hiss when the children's eyes were directed at him in a curious manner.

"Master, we see this man before?" I-Pin questioned interestedly at her master, after staring at Xanxus.

"Guppaa! Lambo-san wants grape jelly!" the cow-child cried excitedly, holding one chopstick in each hand hungrily. He then faced I-Pin with a perplexed expression, "What man?"

"Ah! We have seen him!" exclaimed Fuuta triumphantly, with an imaginary light bulb flashing above his head, "He's the Va-"

"Fuuta, let's leave that aside for now and order the food, otherwise we won't have enough time to eat," Fong interrupted civilly, gesturing towards Xanxus.

Fuuta closed his mouth and nodded obligingly, before giving the Varia boss his order. "BBQ pork buns and custard tarts sir!"

"Lambo-san wants grape jelly, green pear jelly and raspberry cake!" Lambo declared, standing on his chair, "Oi you, gimme some candy too. Lambo-san wants candy!"

"Lambo, so rude! No raspberry cake and candy at yumcha!" his friend reprimanded him, before turning to Xanxus and giving her order politely.

"I-Pin want Chinese porridge with wonton, rice noodle and prawn dim sum," she said, "Master, what you going to eat?"

Fong shook his head slightly, smiled and patted her on the head, "I won't have anything – I'm not very hungry at the moment, but I would like some Oolong tea. It's my treat today, so you 3 eat all you want." The 3 children nodded happily and cheered in response.

After writing all their orders down in a small notepad, Xanxus strode out of the room gruffly and proceeded towards the kitchen. He tore out the order note and pinned it next to the other orders along the order string. The Mafia boss then grabbed a teapot of hot Oolong tea carefully into the VIP room, and set it down neatly on the table, which earned him a word of 'Thanks' in Chinese from Fong.

A few minutes later, the door opened and a woman brought in the dishes in a trolley before handing it over to Xanxus.

"Yay! Food is here!" cried I-Pin cheerfully, along with Lambo and Fuuta.

Xanxus brought the orders over and placed them on the spinning wheel **[2]** in front of the children, who began digging in happily. Afterwards, he turned on the television, much to the trio's delight and began to busy himself by collecting the spare utensils from the table.

While the children were engrossed in devouring the dim sum, Fong turned to Xanxus, "Xanxus, in response to your first question, I'm just here on a sales trade with an overseas company," he explained, then gingerly sipped his tea before continuing, "The children are here with Sawada Nana and her son, the Poison Scorpion and Reborn because they won a raffle ticket concerning a trip to Beijing."

Xanxus once again glowered dangerously, and his hand gripped the plate tightly. _Sawada Tsunayoshi…that bastard._

Fong's eyes twinkled with amusement at the latter's expression. "And so we've just met up - Sawada Nana asked me to take the children to a yumcha because she had something to take care of with her son, while the Poison Scorpion took Reborn on shopping."

"Tch, I couldn't care less," Xanxus replied icily, walking away. He checked the clock on the wall and grimaced.

_30 more minutes until closing time…_

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"Master, where we go now?"<p>

"We're going to go to an amusement park now," the Chinese man replied as he walked beside the children towards the reception. Xanxus followed behind curtly in the same direction to find Ching. And as if right on cue, Ching came out and yelped in surprise, then came round the front of the reception to greet Fong.

**[Dialogue is in Chinese]**

"Fong, long time no see, my friend!" cried Ching, clasping his friend's hands tightly and shaking them up and down, "Did you have a good time here?"

"It's nice to see you again, Ching," Fong replied beaming, "It's great to see that you're doing well, and we had a wonderful time."

"Ah the children!" Ching exclaimed, letting go of Fong's hands to pat Fuuta, I-Pin and Lambo on the head whilst crouching down. He then caught sight of a slightly surprised Xanxus, who had absolutely no idea that they were good friends. "Ah! Fong, was Xanxus your waiter? He's a new recruit you see – how was he?"

At the question, Fong turned to Xanxus and smiled mysteriously, before facing Ching once again.

"Ah yes, he was..._a very amusing waiter_."

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: Xanxus<strong>

**OCCUPATION: Yumcha waiter**

**STATUS: EMPLOYED TEMPORARILY AT THE RESTAURANT**

* * *

><p><strong>[1] <strong>For those who don't know, dim sum are a range of Asian morning tea dishes that are served during a yumcha. They may be steamed or fried, and can be savoury or sweet. There are a range of dim sum and most of them are real delicious!~

**[2] **If you haven't seen one before on a restaurant table, a spinning wheel is a large glass/wood/any other material wheel, in which food are placed on top of, so that they can be rotated around the table by spinning the wheel. (Usually present on large tables)

* * *

><p>Whao, finally he's employed for more than one day at the same place!:D<p>

Also, many thanks to the person who suggested that Fong should appear during Xanxus's Yumcha occupation! My sincerest apologies -I've been trying to find in all my PMs and reviews as to your name, but I've had no luck in doing so. My apologies, but thank you very much for the suggestion!

Hey guys, I would love some feedback on this chapter, and also **what Xanxus should do in the next chapter as part of his continuation in his occupation in the Red Phoenix Ablaze!**

Please include your views in a review, or you can PM me! I'm looking forward to seeing your ideas! Make them funny!

**Actually, I just had an idea – relate them to Christmas! Xanxus being a Santa Claus in the restaurant as an attraction! Ahaha! **

Thanks guys!

-TUGB


	20. a Christmas attraction at a restaurant

Merry Green Christmas, everyone!~

I'm so sorry that it's being published around 11pm on Christmas, when it should have been done so earlier on in the day! Writing through writer's block is sure difficult!XP

I wish everyone a safe, fun, and Green Christmas this year, and a Happy New Year! Please enjoy this last chapter for the year! It's quite long compared to the others, hehe:D And many thanks to my wonderful Beta reader, Mockingjay Rose!

Thank you reviewers for all the suggestions concerning this chapter!

Green candy canes for everyone~

**A/N: The characters in this chapter are not TYL.**

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Christmas attractiondisplay at the restaurant**

"Hurry it up, you freaking trashes!" Xanxus roared at the other members of the Varia, as they were grudgingly and angrily putting on their Santa costumes for the day. It was extremely cold outside, and the heat radiating from numerous heaters inside the Chinese restaurant made everyone drowsy and groggy.

"We're trying our best to hurry dear boss, ushishishi~" Bel snickered, whilst attempting to adjust the black belt so that it fitted perfectly, "Stupid peasant clothes, ushishishi."

"This is so hard to put on…" mumbled Levi, as he put on his red and white Santa costume, "Why is this material so furry?!"

"VOOII! Why the heck are we even doing this?!" Squalo yelled in annoyance, brushing his silver hair from his face as he put on his Santa hat with a scowl, "Boss, why did the Ninth tell you to bring us along, dammit?!"

Xanxus only glowered dangerously at his second-in-command before walking over to a bench in the changing rooms and sitting down with an exasperated sigh. _Just what the fuck did I do to deserve this shit?_ he mentally growled, before reaching to his left to grab a bottle of hidden tequila. Only a few months ago, he was a yumcha waiter at the Beijing restaurant – The Red Phoenix Ablaze, and now…

"Just how the shit do they expect to treat us, freaking hell," the Varia boss cursed, after downing large gulps of the strong alcohol, "I wasn't in this Christmas trash in the first bloody place."

"Mou, boss~ You should stop drinking so much," said the Varia's Sun Guardian lightly as he strode over, "We'll be dealing with children and customers!"

"Lussuria-nee is right," Fran chimed in while putting on his black boots on the other side of the change rooms, "we wouldn't want you puking and blasting your guts out at the children in fury. Then what would your X-guns be used for?"

"Tch, shut the hell up, trash," Xanxus snarled, leaning back against the cool wall. It was only a few minutes later when someone knocked on the door and beckoned for the group's presence downstairs.

"Others? Voi! There are other people who are participating in this Christmas costume trash?!" Squalo cried in disbelief as he followed his Boss downstairs and into a lift, with the others close behind. Bel's signature laugh was heard in the midst of their awkward trip downstairs when a terrible realisation dawned on them.

_Varia._

_Embarassing Christmas get-ups._

_Public embarassment._

_For the whole day._

_No escape._

…

_Shit._

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>The Varia nearly died of humiliation once they entered the room where there were supposedly other people participating in the Christmas attraction activity. Squalo spluttered a 'VOI', Lussuria cooed and fussed about even more in excitement, Fran just stood and stared, Bel laughed, Levi's eyes grew as big and round as flying saucers, and Xanxus just stood there stoned and speechless, with his right hand subconsciously reaching for his X-gun.<p>

Those in the room were just as shocked as the Varia were.

The large room was a mess – with presents, wrapping paper, ribbons, Christmas costumes of all sizes, and large boxes scattered across the floor. String fairy lights were hung across the room, with a large chandelier in the centre. In one corner of the room, there was a cardboard box of overflowing Christmas decorations, with some of its contents already on the floor. It looked more like a large changing room rather than a meeting room.

It took a few awkward minutes before someone broke the silence, as if not sensing that _'silence is golden'_ , especially in a situation like _this._

"Gyahahahaha, all the presents are for Lambo-san!" the cow child shouted happily as he rose to round up a few presents nearby.

Then more voices sounded.

"Hahi! No Lambo-kun! You must share all the presents! Rather, the presents are for the visitors at the restaurant today, desu!" said Haru whilst I-Pin and Fuuta nodded in agreement.

"Lambo is greedy! Lambo did not put Santa hat well! Wait! Lambo!"

And thus, the children ran after one another, oblivious to the tense atmosphere that was cloaking the room.

"Oya oya, what a surprise, Xanxus," smirked the Vongola Mist Guardian, who gingerly stepped over the scattered mess of wrapped and unwrapped presents on the floor and towards the Varia.

"Y-Y-You…What are you guys doing here?!" snapped Gokudera, getting into a fighting stance, I will not let you lay a hand on Jyuudaime!" Yamamoto on the other hand, just laughed casually and persuaded the Vongola Storm Guardian to calm down.

"Yamamoto's right – if the Varia wanted to fight us here and now, they wouldn't be wearing such get-ups," Reborn added, who was sitting on top of Bianchi's light pink hair.

"VOOII! So what do we do now?!"

"We stick candy canes up their asses, that's what sir," came Fran's indifferent reply, to which Squalo grinned sadistically.

"Che, we only wish we could do that, but we can't," he growled, before turning to a cowering brunet. "VOOII! What the shit do we do now, you scum!" Tsuna only shrieked a 'HIIEE!' at the long haired man's outburst, before stammering.

"I-I…d-don't know!" he replied miserably, "I-I have n-no idea what to d-"

**BANG.**

All eyes turned to the gun, then to the one who fired it.

Xanxus pocketed his X-gun smoothly and headed towards the door.

"Get your freaking act together, we're going outside, dumbasses."

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

**BEIJING, CHINA**

**RED PHOENIX ABLAZE RESTAURANT LOBBY**

"Yeeeeaahh, now stop! Set the tree down there! Yep, now step away!" one of the staff members instructed his junior colleagues as they were placing the large Christmas tree in the perfect spot. He then turned to Xanxus and the others, who were standing around awkwardly, and began to speak in English, which allowed all of them to hear. **_[A/N: Namimori Middle School did teach English so Tsuna and his friends can understand alright.]_**

"Ok, the stools and chairs are all set up and ready to go, so all you guys have to do are hand visitors presents, make them feel welcome, give candy and sweets to children and chat friendly with them. We will be playing Christmas carols in the background."

"But what about us? We can't speak or understand Chinese!" Ryohei exclaimed, stepping forward.

The staff member nodded in understanding before continuing, "We can't do anything about that I'm afraid. As far as I know, the gentlemen here," he gestured towards the Varia, "all know Chinese, so you'll just have to stick by them. If not, just nod, smile, wave and hand them gifts – they're bound to understand that in the least."

"Don't you worry Jyuudaime! I, Gokudera Hayato, have been taught many languages since I was little, so I know how to speak and understand Chinese! I will help you, Jyuudaime!" announced the silverette proudly, earning him a smile of 'thanks' from his Boss, which widened Gokudera's grin even further.

"I do know a little Chinese myself as well, kufufufu," Mukuro said smoothly.

"Tch, what a waste of time this is…" hissed the Varia Boss, as he sat apathetically on a wrapped present, "And of all the freaking bastards in the world…why the heck do we need to team up with you lot of trashes?"

"You'll only get in our way," Levi taunted as he picked up a present.

"What was that, you pig-face?!" Gokudera shouted, as he headed towards Levi in a threatening manner, with Yamamoto trying his best to pull him back. As the two began to argue, Kyoko walked up to Tsuna and beamed reassuringly.

"I'm sure everything will work out, Tsuna-kun!"

"Y-Yeah…we'll all try our best then!" Tsuna replied, giving her the best, determined smile he could muster, before the clock struck 8 o'clock and the doors slowly opened to reveal a mob of hungry, enthusiastic customers.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"My my, just how adorable is this little kid!" squealed a teenage girl as she received a present from Fran, who was staring at her with a bored, yet slightly stupefied expression.

"Ushishishi~ How _cute_ you are, froggy," Bel jeered, as he handed another girl a gift with a grin, "Who would have thought that, peasant. Ushishishi, for that, you deserve 4 knives into your Santa hat!"

"Oh look, stupid fake-prince, a girl is blushing at your sadistic actions," Fran countered, only to receive more knives through his hat.

"Che, trashes…" Xanxus muttered in distaste as he handed a young couple a wrapped box, with irritation and impatience evident in his features, which caused the couple to step away in fear. Xanxus cursed as a cheerful, small girl ran up to him and held her arms out oddly. He raised a quizzical eyebrow, before gruffly asking.

"What do you want?"

"A present!"

"Here, take it and go, trash."

The girl shook her head, and said in a determined voice, "I want a big bear hug from Santa as my present!"

Xanxus dropped the present box in shock. _A…hug? Did I just hear correctly? Did this girl want a fucking hug?!_ After regaining his composure, the Mafia Boss scoffed.

"Over my dead body, little girl. Now scram."

The girl huffed, but her legs were still firmly rooted to the ground in sheer determination. She was desperate to get a hug from Santa Claus, and it was just Xanxus's luck that she chose him instead of…Lussuria.

_Lussuria…_

Xanxus turned around and yelled, "Lussuria, get your ass here right now!"

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

**_Meanwhile…_**

"U-Uh, Mukuro, just what is this girl saying to me? H-Hey, are you even listening?" Tsuna asked his Mist Guardian, who was serving as his temporary translator since Gokudera went to the bathroom after being approached by Bianchi.

"Oya? This girl is saying what wonderful hair you have, Tsunayoshi," Mukuro replied, "You should thank her by giving her a second gift, kufufufu."

"H-Hie?! U-U-Uh…h-how do you say 'thank you' in Mandarin, M-Mukuro?" Tsuna blushed, which earned him a smirk and a chuckle from Mukuro.

"I'll say it for you, Tsunayoshi, you'll be too flustered to get it right, kufufufu."

Only a few seconds after the girl left, someone familiar was seen standing near the doors with a deadly glare on his face, before Fong floated in with Mammon and pestered the boy to walk in further.

Tsuna was genuinely surprised when he saw who the boy was.

"H-Hibari-san!"

The Vongola Cloud Guardian narrowed his eyes and whipped out his tonfas in a swift motion. "I'll bite you all to death for crowding, herbivores," he hissed, running towards them. Tsuna yelped at the fast approaching figure and attempted to run away, when he was pulled back by Reborn, who also stopped Hibari.

"Glad you came, Hibari," the Sun Arcobaleno smiled mischievously at the skylark, who nodded at Reborn, and then he leapt on top of the presents and people to take a rest on the Christmas tree, much to everyone's astonishment, especially the customers, who were gasping in bewilderment.

"Oh my, is that a boy on the Christmas tree?"

"W-Whoa…how cool is that! Let me try, mum!"

"How is that kid resting on the tree without slipping down?!"

"Isn't that…dangerous…?"

"Hey you! Did you just use my head as a platform to leap off, you trash?!" roared Levi, fuming with anger at being used as a leaping stone. "You even took off my Santa hat in the process, idiot!"

"Hn…" the Cloud Guardian mused, as he cracked open an eye, "Herbivore…"

"What was that, you sc-"

"Hey Levi, you still have to pay me back via credit card for all those boxers you bought the other day," interrupted Mammon, who was hovering above the Varia Lightning Guardian. The Mist Arcobaleno then took out a calculator, "I believe it has totalled up to 13471969 Euros, including a 13% interest pay loan, and a minimum charge of-"

"Ok ok, I get it already, you greedy baby!" yelled Levi in surrender, who had to wade through a pile of presents to retrieve his Santa hat, "Besides, why the hell are you even here?! I thought you said that you had business to attend to! Unless…you tricked Boss! H-How dare you!"

Due to Levi's huge outburst, some of the customers were stepping away and quickly walking into the restaurant to avoid them. Only a few brave people strode up to receive presents from the 'Santas', unlike before when they had a crowd of people coming over to them.

Yep, things have sure changed within the hour.

"H-Hahi! Scary, desu! A-Ah, customers!" Haru quickly flashed them a bright smile, and proceeded to hand them small gift boxes before they entered the bustling restaurant, and said in English, "Have a spectacular Christmas!" After they all politely thanked her, she was about to turn back to the commotion, when 2 men approached her.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

_**Meanwhile…**_

"Yes, boss?" asked Lussuria as he was coming over, "Mou, this is rare, boss! What do _you_ need me for, mou?~" Xanxus stared wearily at his Sun Guardian, and then turned to the girl and pointed a finger at her.

"Hug her."

"Eh? D-Did I just hear correctly, boss? Did you just say-"

"Yes, _hug her_," said Xanxus through gritted teeth, as he glowered dangerously at Lussuria, who nodded meekly. Lussuria faced the girl and gave his best motherly smile.

"Mou~ What a cutiepie she is! Now, did you want a hug, mou?~ Mummy Lussuria will surely give you nice, big-"

"No!" screeched the girl, shaking her head furiously at the man, "I only want one from _him, _the first Santa Claus I saw once mummy and daddy took me here!"

Lussuria backed away nervously and glanced at his Boss, who was twitching. "W-What do we do now, Boss? You were the first one she set eyes on once she arrived, and now she only wants a hug from you, mou~"

And just when things couldn't get any better…Squalo decided to come along.

"Voi, I just heard a scream here, what is going on?"

"Mou, Squ-chan! Want a hug from your Mummy Lussuria?~"

"HECK NO!" the Varia second-in-command thundered, trying to wave him off like how he would normally do with a sword. Unfortunately, his sword was confiscated by the restaurant manager due to it being a threat, and Squalo had thrown a tantrum right afterwards.

Squalo squinted at the brightness of the lamps that were adhered onto the walls, which were in the colours red and green, as he made his way further towards his Boss, who was sullen and seemed fed up. The Rain Guardian gulped.

"Voi, what's wrong, Xanxus?"

When Xanxus seemed reluctant to explain, Lussuria came to his aid, and after a brief silence of understanding, Squalo cleared his throat and nodded.

"VOOII, boss, why don't we cover you while you give her a very, very quick hug?" he asked knowingly, folding his arms across his chest, "That way, she will be satisfied, because she won't go anywhere until she gets that hug from _you_, and you will be covered from humiliation."

"Hey! That's not a bad idea, mou!" Lussuria agreed, nodding with excitement, "I can always grab a large curtain somewhere or-"

"No, it'll look suspicious and everyone will be thinking what the heck I'm doing behind it," their boss sighed in exasperation. He stole a swift glance at the waiting girl and noticed that she was getting upset with the wait, as her eyes were glazing over with tears. Behind her, some customers who noticed this were staring warily at them and giving them looks of disapproval. _Dammit…this was just too hard…I hate being Santa._

"Then how about we create a diversion so that everyone will not turn this way then?" Squalo suggested, stroking his fake Santa beard, "That way, you can avoid public embaras-"

"Heh…that's the best thing you've said all day…you shitty shark," hissed the Varia Boss, before he faced the small girl and slipped a hand inside his trouser pocket and felt cool metal. He grinned triumphantly.

"Mou, boss, what are you thinking?"

**BANG.**

"V-VOII! B-Boss!"

And in the spur of the moment; the momentary silence of confusion and fear, he awkwardly hugged the small, teary child.** A/N: Xanxus's version of a hug…is quite different. **

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Meanwhile…<em>**

"T-Tsuna-san! Dino-san and some other person are here for you, desu!" Haru cried as she ran towards the brunet, which earned her an expression of puzzlement.

"H-Hie! D-Dino-san?! Are you sure, Har-"

"Yo, Tsunayoshi-kun~"

Tsuna whipped around at the familiar voice and his eyes widened in stupefaction. _No way…why would he be here…?!_

"HIEE! B-Byakuran!"

"Ahaha, I like that look, my little brother."

"Eh, hahi! B-Byakuran-san?!" Haru exclaimed, and then turned to Dino, "W-What are you doing here, desu? And why are you dressed like that?" Dino merely laughed some more, before he explained.

"Well Reborn told me to come, but since I was just too busy, I said I couldn't make it. However, for some odd reason, I got a request to come to this restaurant to manage their bar for a day, so here I am in a bartender's attire."

"But the bar's upstairs," said Yamamoto, arriving with a large sack of children's gifts. At the sight of the gifts, the children ran towards the Vongola Rain Guardian and squealed in delight. He then turned back to Dino, "If you're lost, Dino-san, I can help you get there, ahaha."

The Chiavorone Famiglia Boss shook his head and loosened his tie. "Apparently the bar is closed for reconstruction."

"Then what are you here for, Bucking Horse?" asked Gokudera resignedly, who had finally come out of the bathroom.

"Ohohoho, it's Dino, what a surprise," greeted Reborn, and a flash of amusement was evident in his onyx orbs.

Realisation suddenly dawned on them.

Reborn.

They all gawked at the baby.

"R-Reborn! Was it you who told Dino-"

"Shut up, dame-Tsuna," instructed the Arcobaleno, kicking his student in the stomach, which rendered an extremely anxious Gokudera. "We have better things to take care of now." He then faced the newcomers with a smile. "What brings you here alone, Byakuran?"

"Hehehe, hello Reborn-kun," the white-haired man smiled, whilst popping a handful of marshmallows into his mouth, "The others couldn't make it on time, so here I am~ Everything looks like fun~"

"Well, it's sure getting interesting," agreed Reborn, "It's a shame that none of the others could make-"

**BANG.**

Sentences were frozen in mid-sentence at the sound of a gunshot, before a small girl was seen skipping along happily and laughing at the ceiling. Then, everyone's gaze turned towards the ceiling in amazement.

It was raining…red and green glitter.

"V-VOII! B-Boss!"

"X-Xanxus?! Was that Xanxus's X-Gun?"

The brunet's tone was nervous, but there was a hint of wonder that did not escape the Sun Arcobaleno's notice.

"Hmph, his guns must have been rigged…" remarked Reborn grinning, "Who would have thought the Varia Boss would be shooting out glitter?"

"Hahaha, so it was you, Reborn-kun?" Byakuran questioned amusingly, popping more candy into his mouth. Reborn just shrugged in response.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"The shit…did my gun just shoot out…glitter?!" he roared in disbelief, as he gaped at the gun in his hand.

"V-Vooii…c-calm down, Xanxus, it must have been a mist-"

**BANG.**

A shower of gold and silver streamers rained down on the Rain Guardian, who just stood there stunned.

"Mou, boss! I'm sure we can fix it!~"

**BANG.**

Green and red Christmas baubles were shot towards Lussuria, who frantically dodged, hence sending them bouncing off the walls and towards everyone else nearby.

"Who the fuck did this to my guns, you fucking piece of trashes!" roared Xanxus in complete wrath as he took his other gun from his pocket and blasted it again and again.

**BANG.**

Glitter stars.

**BANG. **

A string of reindeer fairy lights.

**BANG.**

A long line of tinsel.

**BANG. **

More glitter.

Children squealed in joy at the sight of such happenings, and danced around in the falling glitter whilst giggling. The adults were awed by such a rare sight at a Christmas restaurant display and soon joined in on the fun.

"HIEE! X-XANXUS!"

"VOII…B-Boss?"

"I'M NOT DONE YET, YOU TRASHES!"

And more **BANGS** were heard throughout the building.

_And that was surely the best way for the Mafioso to spend their Christmas._

* * *

><p><em>Merry Green Christmas 2012!~<em>

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: Xanxus<strong>

**OCCUPATION: Christmas attraction at the Red Phoenix Ablaze**

**STATUS: ON CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS.**

* * *

><p>Thanks everyone! I'll be back with more for this Fanfiction next year!~<p>

**I would like to truly thank everyone for supporting me and this story throughout the year, and it is due to you guys that this story has made it this far! I never would have thought I would have so many chapters running, hahaXD**

Once again, thank you all so very much!XP Lots of love during Christmas, and Green luck for 2013!

WOOHH! 13!~

MAY THE ULTIMATE GREEN FORCE BE WITH YOU!~

-TUGB


	21. a Weather Forecaster

Yo dear readers! So sorry about the extreme delay, as settling into 2013 and the new school year has been a bit of a hassle. And surprise surprise, this is the first chapter of the year! Brava! I sure hope everyone is finding the year enjoyable so far, and the best of luck for everything:)

Also, I have not replied to some of the reviews in the last, say, 4 chapters, so I am really sorry. I probs won't get to doing it, but I would just like all the reviewers to know how grateful I am:D I will work hard to reply to all reviews this year!

A Green slushie!

A suggestion from me! TUGB!

* * *

><p>…<strong>a Weather forecaster <strong>

The sleek, black car sped off without a minute's silence, and within, Xanxus bored through the tinted windows with anything but an enthusiastic mien. Ah a scowl it was indeed. One of the best scowls recorded in his 26 years of living that the Varia Boss had let loose on his perfectly wrathful features, since the Ninth had taken him to a kiddo amusement park years ago. Funny that was the same amusement park that Xanxus had scored himself the once-in-a-lifetime award in letting loose a seemingly genuine smile when witnessing the incalculable fire-blasting and fire-breathing circus performances. Ironic was it not?

However, what was even more ironic than he had ever experienced in his sardonic past, was that he was going to be on the job in that very same amusement park. Duple ironic, roger that.

A look of amusement played on the old chauffeur's dark orbs when he stifled a glance at the rear mirror to study Xanxus's reactions, but that was swiftly and unfortunately silenced by a deadly glower in the very same direction. Xanxus hissed a livid curse at the back of the front passenger seat rooted opposite him and began fuming in his own hot, red, makeshift lava pool, because believe me, that was how the atmosphere inside the car felt. Even Mr. Chauffeur had to steal a quick glimpse at his passenger in slight concern yet mirth, and the Mafia Boss swore he caught the elder's hand and fingers shift marginally off the wheel and towards the air-con switch.

"Sir, we have arrived at Small World Amusement park, Kyoto. Please enjoy your stay."

And if the chauffeur hadn't had strained his last line tinged with mock gusto, then Xanxus definitely would have snorted and laughed vociferously at the name of the nonsensical park as he stepped out of car, which would have been a damn straight pretty sight to take in and would have earned him another once-in-a-lifetime title right there in that instant.

Small World. What a ridiculously spectacular _oxymoron_ indeed.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"Ah here you are, Xanxus-san! We were expecting you," a short, tubby middle-aged man grinned up, with immense relief plain in his features and bodily movements. And sure enough, the man named Pitoshi Roshi was busy bidding to professionally explain to his new employee the charm of the amusement park and dab at his large sweaty forehead with his sweet home-made hankie. Xanxus wrinkled his nose slightly in disgust and turned away from his so ever professional employer, who would have been wading miserably in his own sweat pool if Xanxus had turned up a minute later. The old man had stated that Roshi-san was tremendously fraught at finding a new employee to fill in for today. Timoteo had also mentioned the fact that he swore he had heard numerous glass bottles being gathered loudly through the phone when he had said he didn't know anyone available to take the job, and the beginnings of the effects of alcohol were soon audible hereafter.

Luckily, that was ceased when Timoteo had suggested his grandson, who was supposed to be on New Year's holiday all the way in Australia, enjoying the sunshiny, overheated beaches and simply just throwing a shrimp on the barbie. And not to mention guzzling down bottles and bottles of Australian beer at that, and of course, that very holiday was spent with the rest of the Mafia as it was a treat from doing such a remarkable job in the Red Phoenix Ablaze on Christmas. Timoteo smiled softly at the thought of his grandson enjoying the alluring beaches down-under, but that soon transformed into a sombre frown. Well, this was an emergency after all…and he was slightly, yes, only a fraction sure that Xanxus hopefully wouldn't mind too much.

And so, now here he was.

"…and this is park is sponsored by several eminent companies that are surely the faces of Japan in this century, and I shall list some of them being-"

"Where the heck are we heading?" Xanxus rudely interrupted, just when the little man was thoroughly enjoying his lil' prep talk on the park, and he conveyed his expression with shocked opening and closing fish lips at his employee's behaviour. Guess Roshi-san was inexperienced in the category of interruptions huh.

When he had eventually recovered, which had created an extremely awkward silence between employer and employee, he chirped excitedly, "It's just up ahead there, Xanxus-kun! I'm so terribly thrilled that you are here as a substitute today! Just what would I do without you?!"

_I know, drown your pitiful trash self in cheap-ass low class damned alcohol and piss the freaking shit out of the old man_, he replied mentally, grimacing as they neared the news studio. And at that, his grimace practically transformed itself into a soft laugh in incredulity at the ridiculously ironic name of the studio – Big Speck Channel 7 News Studio. Yep, just what a fitting name for the spectacularly sardonic Small World amusement park.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"Here are the lines you will need to revise on while you can, however there will be a miniature television screen situated approximately 4 metres in front of you for you to read off if you require any additional aid," a polite middle-aged French woman drilled as she supplied Xanxus the script, and meanwhile Xanxus was frowning in slight concentration to fathom what she was pronouncing due to her distinct and incoherent accent. After an exasperated nod which rendered the woman faintly taken aback as she was sure that the instructions were not that grim to grasp, she led him to the make-up studio which utterly deepened his glower.

After passing a small number of busy and vacant rooms, he arrived at a large, hectic room that smelt strangely of worryingly overused perfume, deodorant and lavender sachets and candles, which caused Xanxus's skin tone to proceed down a notch. The French woman, seeing this smiled dryly, "Well Xanxus, I do hope you'll enjoy your time here with us." And with that, she left him to defend for himself in the realms of the make-up department and at the hands of an excessively hyperactive young female.

"Hi Xanxus-kun, u-uhm, I mean, Xanxus-san, aahahahaa!" the woman greeted stridently, and perceptibly had to correct herself to greet him without the 'kun' due to the murderous glare he had shot straight at her. "My name is Topa-chan, and I'm truly looking forward to working with you, Xanxus-san!" she added with a gigantic grin, exhibiting on full display her extremely whitened teeth which seemed as if she had been to the specialists quite a few times to get those pearls done. Despite her thrilled personality, a touch of edginess tinged her actions here and then.

"Xanxus-san, please take a seat here while I brush some toning powder onto your face, and don't shift as it might catch into your eyes!"

Xanxus nodded gruffly before grudgingly allowing the ginger-haired female to brush the pale brown foundation lightly on his tanned face, which smelt vaguely of waves of hot chocolate mixed with eye-stinging cinnamon. After that, the Varia boss did a double take at the platter she was holding to find in horror and unconditional disgust that she was going to apply a pale rose pink powder on him. His role as a weather forecaster hadn't even begun and he was already having difficulties. Topa, seeing his perplexed facial countenance, shot him an amused smile before clarifying, "Do not worry Xanxus-san, this will only add a little colour to your appearance so that you will stand out as the forecaster." After he visibly relaxed, she added with a beam as she leaned towards him, "The lighting in the recording studio cannot always be attuned to suit everyone ya' know, desu!"

Xanxus made a soft, hasty sound at the back of his throat before Topa proceeded to dab at his already powdered mien with a mischievous twinkle in her pastel brown orbs.

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

"27 degrees with a slight chance of a storm…gale force winds…then I will have to point at the blasted screen around Kyoto…cold front…" he hissed exasperatedly whilst holding out his script which he was absolutely tempted to burn a hole in with a deathly glower from his flashing crimson orbs. "To hell with this shit," he then snarled menacingly as he pushed himself off the wall and directed himself to the recording studio where he would be up in a few minutes.

"Xanxus-san, ah here you are!" Roshi-san exclaimed eagerly and breathlessly as he bundled towards his new employee with anything but a professional impression; Xanxus had to cringe at the approaching man's dirt brown oil slicken hair and bright pink, glossy cheeks that was also caked with a sickening layer of oil. The Mafia boss had to wonder how the heck the guy didn't end up with any pimples on his insipid, porcelain face.

"Xanxus-san, you're up now – please do your best and thank you for everything!"

_You should really be thanking me in the end, you oily bastard_, he thought with a smirk, _I could be ruining this whole forecast for you, trash. _

"Ok, Xanxus the screen's here and you're up in 4 seconds. Prepare!"

"Tch…fricking hell…"

4

3

2

1

CUT!

"Now we shall cross over to our new substitute for Itopoto-san – Xanxus-san, for the weather report."

"This is the weather forecast for the day, trashes."

Roshi-san laughed nervously at his last word, as he dabbed at his gleaming forehead in slight anxiety, hoping that the additional 'trashes' was just a one-time mistake.

"Today was an extremely warm day [wasn't it?] I could've sworn I saw some scums sizzling their dumb asses off on a roller coaster. Today reached a maximum of 29 degrees and that was around 1:00pm." **A/N: Words in brackets are what Xanxus is supposed to add in, but didn't.**

Roshi-san nearly fainted from shock at the additional input and had to be steadied by nearby staff, before taking a seat on a wooden stool and sluggishly sipped some water that was offered to him by an equally dumbfounded yet inquisitive Topa-chan. Roshi-san shook his head, "Yes…it has to be a mistake…I was just imagining things, e-ehehe…" However, beneath that hopeful and expectant cloak lurked a smothering blanket of doubt, distress and uncertainty.

Xanxus, seeing his employer's afflicted-stricken expression on the other side of the recording studio with a hefty roll of paper towels ready to be used on his sweaty face, only smirked bitterly inwardly and mentally sniggered. Heck, if the audience had seen him smirking like that, they would have instantaneously registered that he was a serial murderer or even…an assassin, and not to mention a Mafia Boss of one of the most notable and infamous famiglia in the world. But then, a note of inexplicable sympathy hit him, so he decided to tone it down a tad. "Tomorrow will be a top of 27 degrees, with a slight chance of a thunderstorm. In the late afternoon and into the evening, there will be gale force winds of up to 74km/h, so expect extremely high tides. As a consequence, the temperature will drop dramatically into the mid-10s due to the cold-front."

Roshi-san couldn't stop himself from letting loose a perceptible sigh off his chest after hearing his new employee's last, successful few lines. He knew Xanxus wouldn't be so vindictive as to sabotage his news studio; he knew it aaalll along that is – that Xanxus was just the right young man for the job. _Yes_, he nodded encouragingly, his eyes glowing with admiration and pride, _he was definitely, and I mean definitely, the right man for the job indeed. Those other lines were just him struggling with his nerves, that's all! No need to worry yourself, silly Pitoshi!_

"Now get ready to shit yourselves drunk, trashes [because the weather's going to get rocky!]," he paused and grinned slyly for an enhanced effect, and deepened the grin after he caught a glimpse of the parted lips of the speechless news crew to his left. "There will be rain every day of the bloody week, so prepare well for the backslash of today's sunny weather at the amusement park, scums. [I suggest you take an umbrella when you're out and about!]"

Roshi-san could feel his eyes rolling a tad at the sudden, unexpected outburst of irrelevant statements and lines of the 'script'. And just when he thought that he had the right man…Oh boy, oh boy, he didn't think he could take it anymore.

"And so, all you trashes are pathetic if you think you can go out without a frickin umbrella. This is finally the end of the weather report, so go and screw yourself in a shithole and sizzle your bloody asses while you still can, dumbasses."

And thus, Roshi-san fell into a void of his own lil' puddle of sweat and extreme shock. Tough, love.

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p>"Roshi-san, you have a visitor," informed the nurse who was in charge of him due to an unfortunate and overly-exaggerated turn of events a few hours ago which rendered him in hospital with the very cause being heavy and excessive sweat loss. And Xanxus, being Xanxus, just strolled casually through the entrance with a whopping satisfactory smirk; without a single momentary glance over his shoulder at that.<p>

"Roshi, Roshi! Check this out!" cried his co-worker hysterically as he shamelessly scurried towards him, with anything but a disheartened demeanour – which was what everyone in the news studio should be feeling after a greenhorn was hired and utterly attacked their program – on his stretched, thin face.

"What is it…?" Roshi-san mumbled gloomily, whilst propping himself up to properly face his friend with a dejected exhale.

"It's this! Look at the views! We've got 17 million more views then usual after Xanxus-kun finished the weather report! When Reelie-san was doing the usual news, we had the usual numbers! And yet…when Xanxus-kun finished…"

Roshi-san gaped at the calculations of the popularity of their news studio in astonishment and bliss, but also in slight unease. He shook his head in scepticism and whipped out his hankie to once again, dab at the sweat that was building on his forehead.

_Xanxus…what a fearsome man…_

He shrugged.

_Maybe…maybe perhaps he was the right person for the job after all…_

**-XXXX-**

* * *

><p><strong>NAME: Xanxus<strong>

**OCCUPATION: Weather forecaster**

**STATUS: UNKNOWN.**

* * *

><p><strong>-XXXX-<strong>

**!XANXUS MAKES NEWS HEADLINES!**

**Xanxus**** was praised highly from the news crew and some are even looking up to him as a role-model. Viewers around the world are constantly re-watching his forecast due to the unusual 'colourful' language used****, and ****can be deemed as a rising internet phenomenon****, as luck would have it.**** The Varia, namely Levi, once finding out about their Boss's rising popularity, has abruptly and efficiently cut all ties from the media until the obsession had died down, with the threat of assassination from the underworld.**

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><p>Thank you:))<p>

A review is always welcome! And I'm not sure when I will update again, but hopefully ASAP!;P

Greeennn!:D

-TUGB


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